Bless me Father, for I have sinned....

Bless me Father for I have sinned...this is my first real confession ever since I got baptized and confirmed. I haven't been in my best behavior recently. Today, I have lost my temper at work and I feel really sorry and guilty about it. Please forgive me for getting angry at my colleague for being such a dickhead. And pls forgive me for calling him a dickhead. I know I shouldn't make excuses but the reason why I got really mad today was becoz he provoked me. He shouldn't have provoked me when I was already at a vulnerable state of mind. However, I should have kept my cool and not lose it. I shouldn't have let my emotions control me....I should've controlled it!!

I made a mistake today in not fulfilling my duties properly and accurately, and thus, it came to bite me in my ass. I did not have enough mango or strawberry sorbet in my stock, and it really bit me in my ass.....big time. I really have to thank my head chef for taking it so calmly and tried to solve it for me. But I was really disappointed with my dickhead colleague, whom I've helped countless times in the past.....he totally broke my confidence and busted my temper when he blamed and accused me for being unorganized. I felt like taking a swing at him....and I actually told him that....but he kept provoking me with his words and it made me even angrier...and finally, I lost it. I threw tantrums by throwing shit around....and all my colleagues knew that I was pissed off. I'm sorry....I really didn't mean for that to happen....it just did.

During the period when I was angry, I tried to calm myself down by counting 1 to 10...like most ppl would tell u to. But I also told myself to control my emotions and not let my emotions control me. I talked myself throughout my anger and it actually calmed me down a bit....but still, I was showing signs of anger through my actions. After my anger has subsided a bit, I felt really awful and guilty....and from then I knew that I had an anger problem. I could feel that this anger did not branch out from my dickhead colleague who pissed me off....the source was not that...but instead...it was accumulated anger that I've kept in my heart for 20 or so years. I am an angry person...whether I admit it or not. I don't exactly know why I'm such an angry person....but I'm sure it's got to do with my past.

When I got home from work today, I just googled "Anger management" and read all the relevant articles. I;m really sincere to overcome my anger issues. I don't know how I went from reading anger management articles to searching for church mass times. For some reason, I believed that my anger issues could be solved by returning to church. Not sure if there's any truth to that...but I would do anything to kill my anger issues and have peace in my heart. Riight now, my heart is just chaos. Or maybe becoz sometimes, I feel that I'm all alone in this world and there's no one around me who understands me. I think the source of my anger is from that.

I am really sincere in solving my anger issues. I really want to be a calm person who can control my emotions. I wanna refresh my heart and renew my soul. Please forgive my Father Lord for all my wrongdoings. I truly regret it from the bottom of my heart and please give me strength to overcome this problem. Thank you Lord for listening to me. Amen.