Thursday, March 26, 2009

Juggling between two passions

Hello my fellow subscribers! Once again, I've come to haunt your blog reading days. I know I haven't been updating my blog as regularly as I would've wanted to, but hey at least I write long and winding posts to make up for my lack of update. Anyway, I really shouldn't be writing too much on this one, coz I really should be spending this time to practise for my guitar lesson tomorrow....which kinda leads me to this thought. I've kinda been slacking a lot with my guitar playing these days...and I feel like I've hit a wall in my guitar skills.

As some of you may know, I take guitar lessons every Friday from this awesome guitar teacher called Harry. So I usually practise on Thursday and Friday mornings before I go for the lesson and some occasional Saturdays when I have absolutely no plans for the day. I don't normally practise on Mondays-Wednesdays because I've got school on those days...and it's always very hectic throughout those three days.

So my problem is, I've been really lazy over the past few weeks that I keep procrastinating when it comes to guitar practice. I keep postponing it and do other stuff (like writing this post). I feel like I'm somehow losing my edge...and I'm just so de-motivated to practise. I was never like that before....I usually get really psyched before my lessons...and I always practise for hours to eliminate any errors in my playing. But gosh...it just wasn't like that for the past few weeks, and I feel like I'm throwing my money away.

I've been asking myself why...and I've come up with a few reasons. One, I've just been really lazy to the point where I just sit down in front of my computer everyday and watch whatever shit I can find in my archives of movies and tv shows.Two, I'm not learning the stuff that I want, such as fingerstyle and jazz. I'm actually learning a whole lot of Blues atm...not that I don't like it...but I'm starting to get really sick of it. Three, my guitar playing days are going no where. What I basically mean is that, there's no direction in my guitar learning...I just take lessons for the sake of it and it's not like I'm taking lessons to play in a band or something like that. And finally, I'm starting to realize that my career path is pointing to the direction the kitchen instead of the music biz, and therefore I'm starting to focus all my thoughts and energy into becoming a chef and not a musician.

I guess I'm just really de-motivated at the moment....I'm just one of those people who is infected with "middle child syndrome"where self-motivation just isn't one of my traits. So I'm a person who constantly needs people around me to motivate and push me to my limits. And lately I really need a big push coz I've just been stagnant with everything going on in my life....except for my savings account which is kinda going on a downwards slope as time goes by. So I guess I could really use some positive words of encouragement from people time to time. It's weird...coz most people would think that I'm a gurl who doesn't care what people say about me....but you'd be surprised to know that I really do care what ppl say about me....but only the good stuff though. As for the bad stuff, I'd probably ask them to "FCUK OFF"!!

Remember in my previous posts where I wrote about becoming both a chef and a musician?? Well...I'm starting to think that it's impossible...and I really gotta pick one and focus on it as soon as possible. Now, I've started to develop a habit of writing down the pros and cons of two situations that gives me a dilemma. So here it goes...

Pros of becoming a chef
1. Lots of job opportunities.
2. I'm passionate about food and cooking and it's definitely something that I love doing.
3. Career path is more stable and certain.
4. Traveling opportunities.
5. Contributes to my dream of opening up a restaurant in the future.
6. High level of work satisfaction.


Cons of becoming a chef
1. Extremely competitive environment.
2. Very stressful and busy job environment.
3. Male-dominant industry.
4. My social life would definitely go down the drain...especially with the long hours of work and working on weekends and holidays.
5. It takes at least 8 years to climb to the top of the chain.
6. Lousy salary and did I mention long hours of work??


Pros of becoming a musician
1. I am passionate, skillful, confident and talented in this field, as compared to cooking.
2. Music is a relaxing and therapeutic activity for me.
3. I could get rich and famous overnight (ha-ha).
4. The lack of famous female guitarists (especially fingerstyle guitarists) gives me an opportunity to shine amongst the needles in a haystack.
5. High levels of job satisfaction.
6. More consistent working hours and more fun times!


Cons of becoming a musician
1. Career path is extremely volatile and uncertain.
2. Highly dependable on contacts within the music biz, which can be difficult to form.
3. Job opportunities are minimal.
4. Salary could be millions of dollars if you're famous....or it could be zilch, when you don't get gigs. So it's extremely unpredictable.



It all becomes very clear to me when I lay it out like that, y'know. It allows me to scrutinize each point and set my priorities. However, this is just a guideline for me...it doesn't mean that I'm gonna make my decision solely based on this pros and cons list. Also, I don't believe I have the ability to predict my future...I can only influence a big part of it based on the decisions that I make....sometimes, good things swing by (like winning a lottery ticket) and sometimes bad stuff get in the way (like this economic recession). So what I'm trying to say is...I'm trying to go with the flow...and at this moment, it seems like the flow is pointing towards the kitchen, instead of the glamorous stage.

Anyway...I really should get going and practise my guitar (even though I don't really feel like it). I'll catch up with you guys later. Cheers.

P/S: DAmn it...I gotta practise this song called "It hurts me too" by John Mayall and I don't even like that freakin' song. ARGGHHHHH.....

Thursday, March 19, 2009

ROBERTO, STOP READING MY BLOG!!!!

You wanna know what happened today?? Today, I officially lost my privacy to write freely on my blog. There's this guy in my class called Roberto (I know you're reading this, Bob), he discovered the existence of my blog when he googled "Smoked Salmon Fant***a". Sorry I don't wanna disclose the entire name of the dish because I don't want anyone in my school to google it and stumble upon my blog. If you remember, there's a picture of the dish in my previous post....and I can't believe that it got me busted. As most of you would know, this blog is kept within a loop of a few close friends only. So now...I can't mention any names from my college no more...I'm gonna have to use code names from now on...lol.

It's funny how it happened. Roberto just came to me during demo today and said, "Veron, I've got a confession to make." LOL....first thing that came into my mind was....Oh no, does he like me or something? (Yes Roberto...I really had that in mind). Basically, I got caught off guard and I was totally freaking out, coz I remembered writing lots of things about college and I did mention lots of names. I was really worried that I incriminated anyone with bad comments or something....and most importantly, I remember writing something about him...but I forgot if it was good or bad. (Note to Roberto: It was actually a very flattering comment...but I decided to delete it....i don't wanna give you the satisfaction..MuAhahahahha)

When I came home from college tonight, I quickly switched on my computer and accessed my blog archives and screened thru all the posts that I've written and made sure that I didn't write anything incriminating anybody in college in a bad way. As I read posts to posts....I reminisced the incidents that occurred in the past 6 months...and I realized that I've grown so much. I'm not talking bout growing physically...oh hell I wish that happened....but what I meant was mentally. I realized that I see things very differently now...and I even stopped swearing. I mean I minimized it...trust me...no chef could survive without swearing. Most importantly, I realized that I had less bad days since I quit my job...and I actually became more relaxed and calm. I guess the Stamford job really had a big impact on my emotions and mental state. At first, I had some doubts as to whether I've made a mistake by quitting that job during an economic recession, especially since unemployment is getting worse....but after reading my previous posts, I realized that it was the right choice, and I had to get outta that depressing shithole to move on with my life.

Reading my blog archives was like reading my diary. It makes you reminisce and laugh about what you did. I totally laughed my ass off when I read about the bad practical lessons I had in the Basic course...and I can't believe that I thought Chef Anita picked on me becoz she hated me. Lol...she ain't that bad....she's actually pretty cool. Another one that made me laugh was the attitude that I brought into the kitchen when I was in Basic course. I can't believe I was such a nervous wreck before...I mean I was literally stressed out about things like being the last to serve in class, being one of the least experienced student in class, and not being able to sort of "shine" in class as much as I would've liked to.

LOL...it's really funny coz now that I'm in Intermediate...I don't even care about all these things no more. I don't care if I'm the last, as long as my food is awesome. I don't care if I'm the least experienced in class, as long as I show extra passion. And finally I don't even care if I don't "shine" as much as I'd like to as long as I've put all my effort and tried my best. And you know what??? This attitude works sooooo much better. I mean really....this semester, I'm no longer the last one to finish and my food is so much more awesome than before. Even my pastry skills have improved...lol. Remember the puff pastry incident last year?? The one where I failed twice in one day?? That was a train wreck.

Another thing I realized was how many times I mentioned in my blog that quitting Uni and entering culinary school was the best decision I've made in my life. I think I might've mentioned it 3 or more times. And guess what?? That comment still stands six months later....I've never regretted it ever...not even for a second. I knew that quitting Uni would mean that I could never graduate in a gown and wear the square hat, where my family would come over to Sydney and see me graduate and take graduation pictures of me (not that I actually long for it anyway...but thats not the point). And also I might be jeopardizing my future by not attaining a university degree....however, I've decided that being a chef is way more gratifying for me, and that I believe that I would be way happier taking this career path. I know I could never get filthy rich by being a chef...but to be honest, that's not my major goal in life. I gotta admit that I still haven't figured out life comprehensively, but one thing for sure, I don't see myself in a business attire, sitting down in an office in front of a computer typing stuff and making phone calls in the future. HELL NO!!! I'd rather be sweaty, get my hands dirty and cook in the kitchen for the rest of my life.

I also remember how I've always idolized Gordon Ramsay before I started this course. He was like my sole inspiration to become a chef. I've always thought he was awesome...and that I'd like to be like him one day. LOL...it made me laugh when I thought about it. Gordon Ramsay is not that great...I mean...my chefs can do all the things he does. Some can even do better than Ramsay. He just happens to be a lucky guy who got married to a woman whose family has money to invest in him. I can quite confidently say that Chef Steve is way more knowledgeable than him....and Chef Ross is equally as good as him in knife skills. And they don't even need to yell and swear to get us to do things the right way. I was so naive before to think that Gordon Ramsay is the best...LOL....where in fact he's just an over-rated celebrity chef who just got lucky. I guess TV has a way of leading my thoughts...I watched way too much of Gordon Ramsay shows before...lol.

So my exams are coming up in 2 weeks time. To be honest, I'm not feeling nervous at all...i guess it just hasn't hit me yet. Either that or I'm way more confident this time. I'm leaning towards more to the first one. Anyway...I've got nothing more to report. To those in KK....I hope to see ya'll soon...make sure u guys spend time with me while I'm back...if not, I'm never ever gonna come back again. LOL...yes it's an ultimatum. Spend time with me, or you'll never see me again! hehe...

Zalfa, if you're reading this...hope you've enjoyed my blog. I just remembered that I wrote a comprehensive piece about you in one of my previous posts....the one where I mentioned Ross is the boss. LOL. Anyway...nice chat with you today at McDonald's....sorry I broke your record.

Alright....tata for now!! Cheers!

Friday, March 6, 2009

Intermediate French Cuisine

The past few days had been surprisingly easy. I guess it's becoz instead of cooking individually, my chefs allowed us to cook in groups of two, which significantly reduced our workload. I discovered something about myself over the past few days. I find myself working so much better in a group rather than individually. It's really weird...coz when I was still in Uni, I had so much trouble working in groups. I never really wanted to put much effort in group assignments and most of the grades that I got from group assignments are only average. So I was kinda surprised at myself when I actually enjoyed the group effort during practical classes.

On Wednesday, I had one of the best demo lessons ever. Chef Ross was our demo teacher and he was just totally AWESOME!!! It was definitely one of the busiest demo that he had to show, coz there were like 3 recipes that needed to be made and he was all on his own. Plus, that lesson was really technical coz there were so many skills involved, such as cutting precision vegetable cuts, making pastry, cutting up and deboning the pheasant and presentation skills. All these procedures were very technical and time-consuming...but man...Chef Ross made it all look so damn easy. He's the type of chef that makes you feel proud of choosing this career path. He is such an inspiration to me...and the stuff he does just keeps motivating me all the time. Sometimes you'd even find my jaw wide open....coz I really am in awe!! I'm telling ya...he's definitely my role model and I really wish that he could teach all three demos that we have. He really is the "Chef Awesome."

However, Chef Ross got a little pissed off towards the end of the demo and it's all the Korean clique's fault. These people can be so rude and greedy sometimes, and it makes us all Asians look so bad. Okay this is what happened. When Chef Ross removed the sponge cake from the oven, he cut the cake up into small pieces. He hasn't even plated the cake yet, and these bunch of Koreans just helped themselves with the cake while Chef Ross has his back turned for a couple of seconds. When Chef turned around and saw them all grabbing the cake with their hands, he got so pissed off and yelled at them. He was like, "Hey what are you doing...it's not ready yet. Come on guys...I haven't even plated the cake yet and you guys are already trying to help yourselves. How could you guys be so rude?"

And you know what they did? They just giggled amongst themselves and didn't even apologize. OMG...it was just so rude. I couldn't help it but I kinda felt like I was implicated too....coz u know, they're Asians and I'm Asian too...I just felt so embarrassed. I mean seriously...these ppl gotta learn some manners. I could let that go...coz I thought that maybe they're just too anxious to taste that delicious sponge cake that Chef Ross had baked. Fine...I could totally let that go. But u know what happened next? After Chef Ross has plated the cake, he announced that whoever has already taken a piece of the cake just now shouldn't have another piece coz there's not enough for everyone to taste, and that we should share a piece between 2-3 ppl. But still, they totally ignored him and they went for their second serving. And u know what? I saw this Korean girl took about 3-4 slices of the cake to share amongst her 3 friends...and u're not supposed to do that, coz Chef has already said to share one piece between 2 or 3 ppl becoz there's not enough for everyone. And in the end, me and my group of friends never got to taste it becoz by the time we were in front of the queue, the cake's gone.

I'm telling ya, I don't like to stereotype people and their culture...but sometimes it's difficult not to. U know, I just talk about what I see. I mean really, Asians can be so freakin' rude, selfish and greedy. Freakin' Koreans man....for shit's sake....they bow to each other when they greet to show respect and manners....but when it's time to eat, they eat like hungry ghosts that haven't eaten in centuries. Don't u think that it's so paradoxical?? It's all so superficial man...I guess that's why I could never hang out with them.

I could totally understand if these people come from a small village where it's all still under-developed and uncivilized. But DUDE...it's freakin' Korea man....and most of them are from the big cities like Seoul and Suwon!! Where the bloody hell are their freakin' manners??? I mean I'm from a small town called Kota Kinabalu, where some idiotic ppl still think we live on trees, have better manners than these ppl who live in big developed cities like Seoul?? To make it worse...some of them are actually in their late 20s and early 30s. Unbelievable?? Well, believe it!!

I guess I'll stop bad-mouthing the Koreans now...lol. I'm sorry...I really don't mean to stereotype...but like I said...I say what I see. Anyway...here are some pictures of the food that I made last week and the past three days.


This dessert is called Tulip Basket with Lemon Cream topped with strawberries. As you can see, the base is shaped like a Tulip basket...and the inside is filled with lemon cream and fresh strawberries. The texture of the tulip basket is actually similar to those chinese fortune cookies...in fact...they might be exactly the same, which is why the biscuit base can be shaped into any shapes that you like.

This is a traditional French fish stew called "Bouillabaise". It's got 8 different varieties of fish in there, plus mussels and scampies. Very delicious dish.

This dish is called "Stuffed Squid a la Provencale." It's basically squid with stuffing and it's half braised in a nice refreshing sauce. I personally love this dish very much.

This is a puff pastry dish with marinated tuna inside it.

I thought this was kinda cute...it's just puff pastry shaped like a giant leaf with scallops inside. I didn't make this....Chef made it during demo.

This is definitely the highlight dish of the week. This is "Pheasant breasts in puff pastry with truffle sauce." This is one of my favorite dish of all time. The pheasant breasts are wrapped around in a piece of crepe and then wrapped around with puff pastry. Then it's baked in the oven until cooked. And the sauce is magnificent...or at least the one that I made. Lol..

This is actually a cold soup called "Gazpacho Andalouse." Yes it's a cold and refreshing soup. It's got capsicums, tomatoes, spanish onions, garlic, cucumbers and tomato juice blended together. It sounds disgusting...but it's actually very tasty.

Same thing...but served in a martini glass.

This dish is called "Brandade of Cod and Leek with Garlic Cream." It's basically just mash potato with flakes of cod fish mixed together. This dish was way too salty...coz whoever marinated the fish put way too much salt.

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Good news or bad news first?

Obviously, I've got some news to break. Research says that majority of people prefer hearing bad news first over good news, which is why I will break the bad news first.

I will not be going back to KK in July. There is no way that I could go back during that month, because it's going to be a very crucial and chaotic time for me. There's gonna be a couple of vital decisions to make that will affect a major part of my career and future. I will not go into details....because talking about it would just make my headache even worse than the one I'm having at the moment (my insomnia is kinda back to haunt me again). So this is the bad news.

Now for the good news....I will be back in KK on the 11th April 2009. WuAkakakKAkaka....GOTCHA!!! So yeah...I will be back sooner than you know...lol...it's next month. I kinda made a really random decision to come back earlier than planned. Firstly, I got a really cheap fare, and secondly, I'm jobless and thus have no work commitments that usually prevents me from going back. But the main reason is because July would be a very bad time for me to take time off...so I thought instead of postponing it, why not just go back earlier? So is this great news or what??

I will be back for exactly 2 weeks...I know...it's gonna be a short one, but it's not the quantity that counts, it is always the QUALITY...which is why I'm gonna plan my trip extensively. I don't wanna just stay at home all the time like what I've always done previously....I'm gonna try to make full use of my time in KK...whether it's going out with friends and family, or just trying new things. But then again....there's not many things to do in KK. But u know...I'll try my best anyway. Maybe I'll cook for my family everyday...lol....my grandma can finally retire. But brace yourself...I'm only good at french cuisine...and maybe a little touch of Italian. But I would totally suck in any type of Asian cuisine~! Such a shame...I'm Asian and I cook French food...lol. Maybe someday I'll create a malaysian french fusion....OMG...that would be freakin' awesome!!

So that's gonna be all for today's post. I'm kinda having a headache at the moment...so I don't really feel like talking much. Anyway...I hope that for those who are gonna be in KK during my short trip back will try to spend some time with me. Coz I have a great feeling that I won't be coming back to KK as often as I'd like to....coz I'm gonna be starting my career as a chef very very soon....and in order to be successful in this industry, sacrifices will need to be made. But you know...u guys could always come visit...hehe....with open arms!! Alright...talk to you guys later....see ya!