Worst time of my life

I'm having the worst time of my life these couple of days. I feel like I'm losing EVERYTHING that are important to me. Sometimes I just feel like ending this miserable life...and start over from scratch...but unfortunately, life does not work this way. I wish I could rewind back to that critical point of my life...and try to do things differently...but no...it doesn't work that way too.

I received my last semester's grades today...and sadly to say, I didn't do so well. When I saw that "P" in my transcript....I just felt like the whole world crushed upon me. I got a fucking "PASS" for my Basic cuisine certificate. I worked so fucking hard and put so much effort...but all I got was a fucking Pass. You have no idea how pissed off I got. I wanted at least a CREDIT...coz I knew Distinction was impossible...but at least a CREDIT will be enough to keep me motivated for the next 10 stressful weeks.

I gotta say....
"Life is indeed like a box of chocolates."
I never really understood the meaning behind this quote until now. It's so true that sometimes in life...
you'll never know what you'll get!!

I certainly did not know I was gonna get such shitty grades....despite all the hard work that I've put in.
I certainly did not know that things do not turn out the way you plan....no matter how much time and effort you've put into preparing for it.
And most importantly, I certainly did not know that I, VeRoN LiNg has turned out to be such a miserable failure beyond words.

I'm not being a drama queen...but so what if I am?? All the high hopes and goals that I set for myself before starting this course has just shatterred right in front of my eyes. You have no idea how much this affects me and my confidence.

What if this actually defines my limitations, which means that this is the best I can do?
What if no matter how much extra effort I put into improving myself, I will still be hanging around on the same thread??

I am so scared at the moment...I almost wanna cry...but I know that I gotta suck it in, swallow my tears, take a deep breath, take a step back if I have to and FOCUS on what's at stake...which is the PRESENT!! I know I cannot cry over spilled milk...coz the moment I do that, I will always be captured in the past. And if that happens, I know I will be so caught up with it and I will spend most of my time feeling sorry for myself, and thus neglect the present. But then again, saying it is easier than doing it...I guess I just gotta learn to move on.

Bad things can just hit you when you least expect it to happen. And I cannot believe that two bad things can happen within two days. It's like God is trying to punish me with these plagues...lol...maybe I should start going to church again! The other disappointment is a bit more personal...which I won't be mentioning in detail. It's basically about this guy I've been seeing for the past month...but didn't work out coz I can be such a loser when it comes to relationships. But this didn't really bother me as much as my grades...coz if you know me well enough, you'd know that I try not to get too serious with whomever I date...hence it won't hit me as hard as it would if I was serious. But doesn't mean I'm a player...lol...don't misunderstand...it's just that my priorities are more to my career and dreams....and not relationships.

I'm not too upset about this...in fact, I'm kinda relieved that it's over. I mean...seeing this guy was kinda like killing the free time that I had over the christmas holidays...especially since I quit my job and didn't have as much events going on. And now that I've started school again, I don't actually need all these DISTRACTIONS revolving around my life. And just so you know...I don't believe in love...so don't ask me any questions in regards to whether I loved the guy or not. Coz the answer will be FUCK NO...and it will always stay the same, no matter who I date in the future. I repeat...I DO NOT BELIEVE IN A THING CALLED LOVE!! (Love in general that is....not just boy/girl love).

I could go on and on and on about this "LOVE" topic if I had the time...but fortunately for you, I won't! Hehe. Basically, I'm a true believer of
If there is no love, there is no hate!
So I'm not all devil here..lol..I'm just taking a different approach to banish hate towards anyone....which is by not loving anyone...if you catch my drift?!

Anyway...whatever...this topic is more suitable for a drinking session. Lol. I don't know how the hell I could go from getting pissed off at my grades to the topic of love. Well...that's me u know...very random.

Sigh..I'm still very upset about my grades. My friends told me to double check it again with the Admin office to see if they've made a mistake...but to be honest, I don't know whether I should or not. I mean I really don't wanna cry over spilled milk and waste too much time on the past. Well if they really made a mistake, then so be it. What do you think??

Alright...I think I'm gonna stop rambling now. I wish you guys all the best. Cheers buds!