My Kitchen Nightmare

Hey there my fellow readers. I know it's been a while since the last time I updated my blog. I've just been slacking a lot these days. Anyway, here I am giving you my latest updates.

Sooo...remember I was saying that I was gonna become the head chef of my college's restaurant?? Well, that was last week and I didn't think it went as well as I'd have expected. Also, I didn't enjoy it as much as I would've liked. Being the boss is just way too overrated. Anyway, I don't wanna go too much in detail about this head chef thing...coz there's something else in my mind that I wanna express.

Some of you may know that I went for a trial at Pier's yesterday. It's my first time ever working in a professional kitchen...and it's my first trial job in a 3 chef's hat restaurant. I gotta say, I'm pretty darn lucky to be called up for a trial. The trial is at 4pm and I finished my guitar lesson at 3pm. So there's one whole hour for me to travel from Marrickville to Rosebay...which is a pretty considerate amount of travel time. But guess what? There was an incident on Parramatta road and the cops sealed the roads, so I had to take a detour.

To cut the long story short, I knew I was gonna be late...and I was in the end. But thank God I had Pier's number in my call archives and I managed to get hold of the head chef and told em' I was gonna be late. He sounded like he was okay with it and it calmed me a little. But I still felt a little frustrated and uneasy coz I'm not the kind of person who likes to be late for anything...especially for my first job trial in a world class fine dining restaurant. I almost cried in my car coz this was such an important trial for me...it's gonna be my first step to "culinary greatness" and obviously I didn't wanna be late. Anyway, everything was okay in the end. Chef didn't seem like he held a grudge.

There were 7 chefs in the kitchen including me. One head chef, one sous chef, one pastry chef, two chef de parties and two commis. I was put under the charge of an 18 year old commis called James, who is already in his 3rd year apprenticeship. It was a li'l intimidating...but wtf right? Age is just a number....so that's what they say. I was in the cold larder section together with James and the first job I had to do was to extract crabmeat from quality spanish crabs....with my fingers...and it has to be kept in large chunks. And after extracting the crabmeat, we had to triple check the crabmeat for shells...and FYI, both the crabmeat and the shells are white in color...so they're basically camouflaged. That took a hell lot of patience from me...but I did it anyway. After all, I'm just a freakin' 1st year apprentice.

The head chef is quite a character...he reminds me of Gordon Ramsay, except that he's Aussie and he's quite a joker. He's the type of chef that can joke with you when you're not pissing him off....but if you do piss him off, he can get quite physical. He actually called one of the chef de parties an "English cunt" when he failed to communicate with the others. He uses the F word a lot...quite vigorously I gotta say. For example, he said to this French dude..."Are you fuckin kidding me? You come from the land of fuckin foie gras and you can't fuckin cook it? Something like that...

But there was one incident that is still playing in my mind and I find that a little off putting. Head chef was yelling at James for something he did wrong...and at one point, he literally grabbed his shirt and shoved him to the wall, and then he ordered him to get out of the kitchen. And then he went on and said, "I'm gonna fuckin' sack you, James. You don't fuckin' deserve to be here, u know that? And don't expect to get a letter of recommendation from me.

I was standing right beside the 2 of them when that happened, so I had a first class view from my position. It was really scary...and being the third person does not feel good at all. There was just this intense vibe that just made me felt so awkward...and did I mention scared? I haven't felt this way since I was a kid when my abusive aunt caned me and then threw me outta the house for crying too loud (gosh, she was a chef too). It felt like the chef was gonna hurt James...but of course he didn't...but he did deliver the message pretty well...especially to me.

I thought James took it pretty well...he just abided by chef's orders and left the kitchen...but he did slam the door a little. However, Chef went soft later and told me to let him back into the kitchen. But when he came back into the kitchen, Chef didn't let him off easy. He constantly picked on him...and say really mean things to him. I didn't feel good at all, being the 3rd person. I mean...I totally didn't expect something like this to happen...I thought this only happens on TV...hell's kitchen and all that...but I didn't actually think that it's real. But fuck me...it's fuckin' real. IT'S FUCKING REAL!!!

Of course, Chef didn't yell at me...coz I was just there for a trial...I'm not his employee...yet. I did think that maybe he's not gonna lose it on a girl like he would on a guy...but I dismissed the thought as soon as I had it. Coz I know that there isn't such a thing. Maybe he won't shove a girl to the wall (or maybe he would), but he's definitely gonna yell and curse at you, regardless of whether you're a guy or girl. But you know...words don't really bother me as much as actions. So long as he doesn't get physical...like shoving me to the wall...I can take it. I'm not a person who responses well to physical violence...coz trust me...I would snap back.

If someone slaps me in the face, I'll punch em' in the face. If someone punches me in the face, I'll stab em' with a knife. If someone stabs me with a knife....I'll fuckin' dissect them like a lab rat. I am that revengeful...

But of course...I'm not literally that person. It's just a figurative way of saying that I will not let a person off easily if they try to physically hurt me. What can I say...I'm not a very forgiving person when it comes to violence.

Anyway...back to the topic. At the end of the night, I had a little chat with the head chef. He asked me how did I go...and whether I liked it or not. I put on a fake smile and said with my fake voice, "Err..yeah chef. I really liked it."

HOLY CRAP...you have no idea how much I hated it. I hated the design of the kitchen. I hated the space...coz there wasn't any. I hated the vibes in the kitchen...especially the cursing, yelling and shoving. I hated the ergonomics of the kitchen. Everything is so fuckin' high up that it's not even practical for anyone under the height of 5'5. Chef asked me to grab a plate from the top shelf and I can't fuckin reach it...I had to ask James to grab it for me. Chef didn't say anything...but I could sense that he was testing me. He knew that I couldn't reach for the top shelf...but he asked me to anyway. And I'm sure he knew that James grabbed the plate for me. Lately, I have this special gift of figuring ppl out...so...I figured him out. He's testing me...and in some form of way, I felt like I'm being played.

And if you know me well enough, you'd know that never in my life have I ever let my height or size get in the way of doing things that I love. When I was in primary school, I was one of the shortest in my class...but it never stopped me from being one of the best players in basketball. In high school, I probably have the smallest hands and shortest fingers...but it never stopped me from being the one of the best guitar players. And now that I'm in adulthood, I'm sure as hell not gonna let my height get in the way of being a chef. But this....even for me....is quite a difficult task.

Sighh...what have I gotten myself into? I don't mind getting yelled at for being sloppy, careless or lazy at doing my job...coz I would totally deserve that. But I just don't wanna get yelled at...or even sacked...just becoz I am physically unable to perform the given tasks. I was watching Grey's Anatomy the other day and this short guy went on this painful surgery of lengthening his legs only by 2 inches. There were complications during his surgery and his knees were so infected that his bones were showing on top of his skin. And then the doctor was asking if it's worth all the pain and he said that it was. At the time, I thought he was such a fool...I mean, he only wanted to increase his height to get a date. But now, I could understand how he feels...coz he just wants to be "able" to do something that he's always wanted...which is to go on a decent date. And for me, I just wanna be "able" to do my job. Is that even too much to ask?

Anyway, Chef said that he's gonna be away for 2 weeks and when he comes back, he's gonna give me a call and let me know if I'm hired. Part of me am glad that there's still a chance that I might be hired...but part of me just wanna give this up. I'm still contemplating whether to take this on or not...but a very big part of me just keeps saying 'No'. I don't know what to think or do now...but one thing for sure, I can't get this thing off my mind...and I have to. My exams are in 2 weeks and I don't want this thing to be affecting me.

I'm a bit depressed at the moment...I feel like I'm physically unable to do something that I love. I've never felt this way before...which is why I'm making such a big deal of. The feeling is like an asthmatic person who loves running, but is unable to due to his/her asthmatic condition.

But you know, it's not the end of the world. I'm sure there's another kitchen that would suit me better. Plus, that kitchen wasn't even that awesome. It was small and cramped....and they don't really use machines like food processors and stuff. I'm more into modern cooking where you use slicers, food processors, blenders, and all the other fancy cooking gadgets there is. Even though it means that I gotta let go of a great opportunity, I'm still quite positive towards my future as a chef. I may not be a Gordon Ramsay....but I might be a Jamie Oliver who does his cooking shows and plays drums while he's at it. That's wayyy cooler...lol.

Anyway, I gotta run now. I guess I'll catcha later. Cheers.