Why fcukin' bother??

I can only spend a maximum of half an hour to write today's post, coz I still gotta practise for my guitar lesson tomorrow at 9am in the morning. Damn it...who the hell takes guitar lessons at 9am in the morning. Plus, it's normally about half an hour drive to my guitar teacher's place, and considering the rush hour in the morning, it'll probably take an hour. Sigh...the things I'm willing to do to become a musician.

So..I just came back from work a while ago...and today was a pretty bad day at work. Well, it's not bad bad...but it's bad. Well, I actually realized today, that I have a "chef's temper". When things go bad, I throw tantrum and swear my lungs out. Somewhat like Gordon Ramsay. Hah...I'm a big fan! Anyway...this is what happened today. Some guests ordered food from my colleague and when I delivered it, they said that it's not what they wanted. Typical scenario in the food and beverage industry. Well, it's usually no big deal in these scenarios, coz we could tell the chefs to make another one for the guests. But I don't know why I got so pissed off about this today, and I just kept swearing and throwing stuff around....well, like what Gordon Ramsay does in his kitchen when things don't go his way. Okay...lemme make this clear...I wasn't trying to imitate him. It really affected my nerves and I got so mad when this happened. Everyone could see that I was damn pissed off...and nobody has ever seen me like that before....everyone was actually afraid of me. Even my manager didn't dare to come near me.

For the entire time, I just kept adding the word "fuck" in every single sentence I say. My colleague told me afterwards, when I calmed down, that it was the first time she heard me swear so much. Haha...I laughed out loud. It's true. I don't normally swear so much. So afterwards, when I calmed down, I was thinking to myself, why the hell did I get so angry? There was no particular reason that I had to be so angry about. It was just a common miscommunication between my colleague and the guest, and the matter can be easily resolved. But why was I still so angry?

Well...I've got 2 theories. First one, I am a very short-tempered person, which may or may not have been a result of genetic inheritance from my father. But who am I kidding...o'course it's genetic! My dad has the worst temper in the whole family and amongst his siblings...and I probably will top him in the next few years, when I start workin' in a professional kitchen with maximum pressure from the heat and getting all the food cooked in perfection. Trust me...my temper will be as bad as Gordon Ramsay's(a Scottish man, I might add) in the next few years.

Second theory, I have anger issues. This is more of a bigger problem, coz this time, it's not genetic....it's psychological! I do not wish to mention where the source of my anger issues come from, but most shrinks will tell you that it probably is a result of your childhood. 'Nuff said.

So...whether or not it's genetic or psychological, I gotta admit that I've got a temper problem. I'm not saying that it's all bad....but if only I could transfer all these anger and temper into running a professional kitchen in the future, I SWEAR...I can be as good as Gordon Ramsay by the time I'm 30 years old. I don't know if you understand what I mean, but all I'm saying is that, if only I could transfer all these negative prospects of my life into something that yields positive results, this temper problem will still remain...but it will remain as a positive aspect of my life! You get it??!! I'll give you an analogy. For example, a man who has been in a wheelchair for most of his life. So being a crippled man is the negative aspect of his life. But if he could use his crippled identity to join the Paralympics in basketball (something that he loves to do), he'll still be a cripple, no matter what, but the positive aspect of this now is that he's turning this negative aspect of his life into something positive. Well of course this is not the perfect analogy to explain my theory...coz temper is something that can be changed, but being crippled cannot be changed. But still, the point remains.

So I guess what I'm trying to say is that, why bother to change your negative aspects of life if you can turn it into something positive? Like, why bother learning to control my temper, when I can use it to run a professional kitchen in the future when I become a head chef? Why bother to walk again, when the man can play basketball (something he loves doing) in an international level? So why fuckin' bother to change, you tell me!! Why fuckin' bother???????