Bless me Father, for I have sinned....

Bless me Father for I have sinned...this is my first real confession ever since I got baptized and confirmed. I haven't been in my best behavior recently. Today, I have lost my temper at work and I feel really sorry and guilty about it. Please forgive me for getting angry at my colleague for being such a dickhead. And pls forgive me for calling him a dickhead. I know I shouldn't make excuses but the reason why I got really mad today was becoz he provoked me. He shouldn't have provoked me when I was already at a vulnerable state of mind. However, I should have kept my cool and not lose it. I shouldn't have let my emotions control me....I should've controlled it!!

I made a mistake today in not fulfilling my duties properly and accurately, and thus, it came to bite me in my ass. I did not have enough mango or strawberry sorbet in my stock, and it really bit me in my ass.....big time. I really have to thank my head chef for taking it so calmly and tried to solve it for me. But I was really disappointed with my dickhead colleague, whom I've helped countless times in the past.....he totally broke my confidence and busted my temper when he blamed and accused me for being unorganized. I felt like taking a swing at him....and I actually told him that....but he kept provoking me with his words and it made me even angrier...and finally, I lost it. I threw tantrums by throwing shit around....and all my colleagues knew that I was pissed off. I'm sorry....I really didn't mean for that to happen....it just did.

During the period when I was angry, I tried to calm myself down by counting 1 to 10...like most ppl would tell u to. But I also told myself to control my emotions and not let my emotions control me. I talked myself throughout my anger and it actually calmed me down a bit....but still, I was showing signs of anger through my actions. After my anger has subsided a bit, I felt really awful and guilty....and from then I knew that I had an anger problem. I could feel that this anger did not branch out from my dickhead colleague who pissed me off....the source was not that...but instead...it was accumulated anger that I've kept in my heart for 20 or so years. I am an angry person...whether I admit it or not. I don't exactly know why I'm such an angry person....but I'm sure it's got to do with my past.

When I got home from work today, I just googled "Anger management" and read all the relevant articles. I;m really sincere to overcome my anger issues. I don't know how I went from reading anger management articles to searching for church mass times. For some reason, I believed that my anger issues could be solved by returning to church. Not sure if there's any truth to that...but I would do anything to kill my anger issues and have peace in my heart. Riight now, my heart is just chaos. Or maybe becoz sometimes, I feel that I'm all alone in this world and there's no one around me who understands me. I think the source of my anger is from that.

I am really sincere in solving my anger issues. I really want to be a calm person who can control my emotions. I wanna refresh my heart and renew my soul. Please forgive my Father Lord for all my wrongdoings. I truly regret it from the bottom of my heart and please give me strength to overcome this problem. Thank you Lord for listening to me. Amen.

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

Hey guys....sorry for ignoring my blog yet again...I've just been crazy busy over the past week...I'm so damn busy that it's not even funny!! I go to college every Monday, Wednesday and Friday....and I gotta work from Thursday to Sunday...and they're all freakin' 12 hour shifts. The worst one is Friday...coz I gotta go to college at 8am in the morning and then head straight to work after class and finish work at 11pm. My feet really hurts like hell at the moment....*ouch*

Anyway...this restaurant that I'm currently working at is a brand new restaurant...so all the chefs are not very familiar with the menu, except for my head chef, who is also the owner. So we have an entree chef, breakfast chef, grill chef, dessert chef, sous chef and head chef. And guess which chef am I?? Lol...I still laugh at the fact that I'm the dessert chef (coz I hate desserts...very much!!).

I bet you must be thinking why the hell am I in charge of desserts when I don't even have prior experience in the kitchen. The truth is.....I don't even know why myself. To be honest, I wasn't even sure if I was capable of handling a whole section by myself...especially since I'm just a small potato apprentice. And for the past few days...I have done a very good job in proving that I'm not capable at all in handling a section all by myself...coz I was slow, unsure, unconfident and inexperienced. I could see the look on my chef's face when I asked him how'd I do over the past few days...even though he said he was pretty happy with my performance...but his facial expression contradicted his words. Even the other chefs didn't really have confidence in me...how do I know this? Well...they were basically ignoring me and weren't really trying to include me during service. So I was kinda upset when I got back home last night, thinking that I could never measure up to their standards.

But today when I went to work, I performed soooooo much better...and even I was shocked at my sudden improvement and confidence. Because dessert orders normally comes in a bit later, I had to assist in the entree section. I did pretty well, teaming up with the entree chef in plating up the dishes at a speed and accuracy I'd never thought I could ever achieve after only 2 days of working in the kitchen. On top of that, I still had to make the desserts when the orders comes up. I did quite a few desserts tonight...and all of them went out pretty good! Except maybe for the chocolate fondant...where I still can't really get it right. But other than that, everything was good. Not awesome...but good enough for a person who's never worked in a professional kitchen before until 2 days ago.

I was soooo high with adrenaline...and it felt good. And guess what? My head chef started complimenting me...the other chefs gave me a pat on my back....and I even got a freakin' high five. Well...the thing about the kitchen is that...you gotta do something really MAJOR to gain RESPECT from your fellow chefs...especially if you're the only female in the kitchen. If not, they're just gonna treat you like a small potato for as long as you work there. They would never trust you, unless you've proven to be trustworthy. And THAT, ladies and gentlemen....was what I gained today! RESPECT and TRUST!!

Alright...enough gloating for the time being. Plus, I kinda need to go now...coz I still have a major assignment to complete and I still gotta go to work tomorrow and on Sunday....which gives me only so much time for my assignment. I'll see you guys soon then! Cheers!

Back from the dead

Hey peepz...I hope there's actually still "peepz" reading my blog...though there hasn't been much to read lately. I guess I've just been really lazy for the past month. But I'm back again...so..what have I been up to for the past month??? Hmm...lemme see...the last time I wrote my blog was about my trial at Pier. Since then, I......

busted my mind thinking whether to take the job at Pier's. attended college as usual, cookin' away with my classmates. did my final practical exam and passed with not so flying colors. received a pasta machine, movie voucher and a birthday card from Zalfa and almost burst into tears. celebrated my b'day with my mates at a teppanyaki place, gelato and karaoke afterwards. received a surprise birthday cake from everyone who came that day. practised my guitar playing and attended lessons. finally decided to give up on the job at Pier's. sent out CVs to random restaurants in sydney. not getting replies from random restaurants in sydney. getting rejected from random restaurants in sydney. made my very first homemade pizza and lasagna from scratch and served it to friends.farewelled my dearest friend/mother/classmate aka Zalfa. took a trip to Hunter Valley with a few friends and planned to get wasted the whole time. got sick throughout the whole trip at Hunter's, so the getting wasted part didn't really happen. practised my guitar again. whinged about getting back to college in the stupid ugly uniform. collected my stupid ugly uniform from the shops. out shopping for my graduation and got myself a black dress. practised my guitar even more. sent out even more CVs to random restaurants. got ignored by even more random restaurants. went back to college on a monday and discovered that it was like high school all over again, except that I might've stumbled upon a Korean high school coz 80% of them are Koreans, so help me God. kept complaining about the dry-ness of the academic content this term. answered every question of the lecturers' because the others wouldn't. stepped on stage, shook the person's hand, received my certificate and GRADUATED from my culinary course. took pictures with my dear classmates and random ppl whom I don't know. took pictures with my favorite chef of all time, Chef Ross. went to star city for the after grad party. saw a pretty good acoustic band at Star City. played a few hands at Star city. won 200 bucks from Star City. attended more boring and repetitive classes. made some friends, and maybe a few enemies. complained more about the classes. wondered how the hell am I gonna last for another 5 months in college. received a call from a random dude who didn't even care to identify himself over the phone but turned out to be a potential employer whom I might be working for in a couple of weeks' time. attended a trial at a pretty crap restaurant and started regretting about giving up on Pier's. thought of moving away from Sydney for my industry placement, possibly Melbourne or Brisbane.


Basically, the gist and highlights of my story for the past month is on there. Anything that happened in between those events are either unmentionable or simply forgotten. So..tomorrow's the start of my 2nd week at my management course. GOSHH....I could just die mentioning about it. I don't mean to be a snob...but seriously, I've paid a huge sum of money for absolutely NOTHING. I've basically learned everything that the course has got to offer back in Uni....and it's just gonna be deja vu to me. If I wanted a deja vu, I could just stand right in front of a speeding motorcycle and let it skid across me like it happened when I was 10.

Anyways, I gotta go now. I'll catch you guys later. Cheers!!

My Kitchen Nightmare

Hey there my fellow readers. I know it's been a while since the last time I updated my blog. I've just been slacking a lot these days. Anyway, here I am giving you my latest updates.

Sooo...remember I was saying that I was gonna become the head chef of my college's restaurant?? Well, that was last week and I didn't think it went as well as I'd have expected. Also, I didn't enjoy it as much as I would've liked. Being the boss is just way too overrated. Anyway, I don't wanna go too much in detail about this head chef thing...coz there's something else in my mind that I wanna express.

Some of you may know that I went for a trial at Pier's yesterday. It's my first time ever working in a professional kitchen...and it's my first trial job in a 3 chef's hat restaurant. I gotta say, I'm pretty darn lucky to be called up for a trial. The trial is at 4pm and I finished my guitar lesson at 3pm. So there's one whole hour for me to travel from Marrickville to Rosebay...which is a pretty considerate amount of travel time. But guess what? There was an incident on Parramatta road and the cops sealed the roads, so I had to take a detour.

To cut the long story short, I knew I was gonna be late...and I was in the end. But thank God I had Pier's number in my call archives and I managed to get hold of the head chef and told em' I was gonna be late. He sounded like he was okay with it and it calmed me a little. But I still felt a little frustrated and uneasy coz I'm not the kind of person who likes to be late for anything...especially for my first job trial in a world class fine dining restaurant. I almost cried in my car coz this was such an important trial for me...it's gonna be my first step to "culinary greatness" and obviously I didn't wanna be late. Anyway, everything was okay in the end. Chef didn't seem like he held a grudge.

There were 7 chefs in the kitchen including me. One head chef, one sous chef, one pastry chef, two chef de parties and two commis. I was put under the charge of an 18 year old commis called James, who is already in his 3rd year apprenticeship. It was a li'l intimidating...but wtf right? Age is just a number....so that's what they say. I was in the cold larder section together with James and the first job I had to do was to extract crabmeat from quality spanish crabs....with my fingers...and it has to be kept in large chunks. And after extracting the crabmeat, we had to triple check the crabmeat for shells...and FYI, both the crabmeat and the shells are white in color...so they're basically camouflaged. That took a hell lot of patience from me...but I did it anyway. After all, I'm just a freakin' 1st year apprentice.

The head chef is quite a character...he reminds me of Gordon Ramsay, except that he's Aussie and he's quite a joker. He's the type of chef that can joke with you when you're not pissing him off....but if you do piss him off, he can get quite physical. He actually called one of the chef de parties an "English cunt" when he failed to communicate with the others. He uses the F word a lot...quite vigorously I gotta say. For example, he said to this French dude..."Are you fuckin kidding me? You come from the land of fuckin foie gras and you can't fuckin cook it? Something like that...

But there was one incident that is still playing in my mind and I find that a little off putting. Head chef was yelling at James for something he did wrong...and at one point, he literally grabbed his shirt and shoved him to the wall, and then he ordered him to get out of the kitchen. And then he went on and said, "I'm gonna fuckin' sack you, James. You don't fuckin' deserve to be here, u know that? And don't expect to get a letter of recommendation from me.

I was standing right beside the 2 of them when that happened, so I had a first class view from my position. It was really scary...and being the third person does not feel good at all. There was just this intense vibe that just made me felt so awkward...and did I mention scared? I haven't felt this way since I was a kid when my abusive aunt caned me and then threw me outta the house for crying too loud (gosh, she was a chef too). It felt like the chef was gonna hurt James...but of course he didn't...but he did deliver the message pretty well...especially to me.

I thought James took it pretty well...he just abided by chef's orders and left the kitchen...but he did slam the door a little. However, Chef went soft later and told me to let him back into the kitchen. But when he came back into the kitchen, Chef didn't let him off easy. He constantly picked on him...and say really mean things to him. I didn't feel good at all, being the 3rd person. I mean...I totally didn't expect something like this to happen...I thought this only happens on TV...hell's kitchen and all that...but I didn't actually think that it's real. But fuck me...it's fuckin' real. IT'S FUCKING REAL!!!

Of course, Chef didn't yell at me...coz I was just there for a trial...I'm not his employee...yet. I did think that maybe he's not gonna lose it on a girl like he would on a guy...but I dismissed the thought as soon as I had it. Coz I know that there isn't such a thing. Maybe he won't shove a girl to the wall (or maybe he would), but he's definitely gonna yell and curse at you, regardless of whether you're a guy or girl. But you know...words don't really bother me as much as actions. So long as he doesn't get physical...like shoving me to the wall...I can take it. I'm not a person who responses well to physical violence...coz trust me...I would snap back.

If someone slaps me in the face, I'll punch em' in the face. If someone punches me in the face, I'll stab em' with a knife. If someone stabs me with a knife....I'll fuckin' dissect them like a lab rat. I am that revengeful...

But of course...I'm not literally that person. It's just a figurative way of saying that I will not let a person off easily if they try to physically hurt me. What can I say...I'm not a very forgiving person when it comes to violence.

Anyway...back to the topic. At the end of the night, I had a little chat with the head chef. He asked me how did I go...and whether I liked it or not. I put on a fake smile and said with my fake voice, "Err..yeah chef. I really liked it."

HOLY CRAP...you have no idea how much I hated it. I hated the design of the kitchen. I hated the space...coz there wasn't any. I hated the vibes in the kitchen...especially the cursing, yelling and shoving. I hated the ergonomics of the kitchen. Everything is so fuckin' high up that it's not even practical for anyone under the height of 5'5. Chef asked me to grab a plate from the top shelf and I can't fuckin reach it...I had to ask James to grab it for me. Chef didn't say anything...but I could sense that he was testing me. He knew that I couldn't reach for the top shelf...but he asked me to anyway. And I'm sure he knew that James grabbed the plate for me. Lately, I have this special gift of figuring ppl out...so...I figured him out. He's testing me...and in some form of way, I felt like I'm being played.

And if you know me well enough, you'd know that never in my life have I ever let my height or size get in the way of doing things that I love. When I was in primary school, I was one of the shortest in my class...but it never stopped me from being one of the best players in basketball. In high school, I probably have the smallest hands and shortest fingers...but it never stopped me from being the one of the best guitar players. And now that I'm in adulthood, I'm sure as hell not gonna let my height get in the way of being a chef. But this....even for me....is quite a difficult task.

Sighh...what have I gotten myself into? I don't mind getting yelled at for being sloppy, careless or lazy at doing my job...coz I would totally deserve that. But I just don't wanna get yelled at...or even sacked...just becoz I am physically unable to perform the given tasks. I was watching Grey's Anatomy the other day and this short guy went on this painful surgery of lengthening his legs only by 2 inches. There were complications during his surgery and his knees were so infected that his bones were showing on top of his skin. And then the doctor was asking if it's worth all the pain and he said that it was. At the time, I thought he was such a fool...I mean, he only wanted to increase his height to get a date. But now, I could understand how he feels...coz he just wants to be "able" to do something that he's always wanted...which is to go on a decent date. And for me, I just wanna be "able" to do my job. Is that even too much to ask?

Anyway, Chef said that he's gonna be away for 2 weeks and when he comes back, he's gonna give me a call and let me know if I'm hired. Part of me am glad that there's still a chance that I might be hired...but part of me just wanna give this up. I'm still contemplating whether to take this on or not...but a very big part of me just keeps saying 'No'. I don't know what to think or do now...but one thing for sure, I can't get this thing off my mind...and I have to. My exams are in 2 weeks and I don't want this thing to be affecting me.

I'm a bit depressed at the moment...I feel like I'm physically unable to do something that I love. I've never felt this way before...which is why I'm making such a big deal of. The feeling is like an asthmatic person who loves running, but is unable to due to his/her asthmatic condition.

But you know, it's not the end of the world. I'm sure there's another kitchen that would suit me better. Plus, that kitchen wasn't even that awesome. It was small and cramped....and they don't really use machines like food processors and stuff. I'm more into modern cooking where you use slicers, food processors, blenders, and all the other fancy cooking gadgets there is. Even though it means that I gotta let go of a great opportunity, I'm still quite positive towards my future as a chef. I may not be a Gordon Ramsay....but I might be a Jamie Oliver who does his cooking shows and plays drums while he's at it. That's wayyy cooler...lol.

Anyway, I gotta run now. I guess I'll catcha later. Cheers.

Chef Veron

For the past few weeks, I've been indulging myself in a fine dining spree. I know this sounds crazy...but it's true, I've been dining at world class restaurants that had cost me a fortune. First it was Claude's, which was an utter disappointment....then I went to Quay, which by the way is the best restaurant ever....and then Pier, but I didn't really pay for that one. What is it with fine dining restaurants and one-syllabled names anyway?? Does it make it more....elegant???? Or classy??? Whatever...

Before this, I've never even been to any fine dining restaurants before....and in just less than a month, I've already visited 3 of the most renowned restaurants in Sydney. And on next Monday, I'm dining in at another fine dining place called Burlington. This is a cheaper option of fine dining...and I heard the food is great.

You know what the funny thing is?? All these fine dining experience has kinda made me a food snob. I wouldn't eat anything that taste anything less than good. I wouldn't even enjoy mediocre food anymore.

Before, I would eat absolutely anything, whether it taste good or bad...just as long as it fills me up and is something that I would normally eat.

Before, I would gobble up a piece of well-done steak...but now, I wouldn't even consider touching a piece of steak that is cooked more than a medium doneness.

Before, I wouldn't be able to detect the flaws of a dish, but now, I begin to compliment or criticize a dish that I'm served in a restaurant.

Before, I wouldn't care if a dish was bland or salty...but now, I wouldn't even consider eating anything that taste bland coz it's absolutely disgusting.

Before, I wouldn't even bother tasting any food that is new to me...but now, I would taste absolutely ANYTHING that you would call "food."

And finally, I used to always go back to the same ol' restaurants and order the same ol' dish....but now, I try new restaurants all the time and I would order different dishes.

Bottom line is, I have a new perspective on food now...and I'm so glad that I've finally discovered the wonders and awesomeness of food. I just cannot believe how I used to ignore what I eat and I was totally clueless about food and cooking. Sometimes I wonder what made me change my perspective...and when I attempt to trace back my steps...and I ended up with Gordon Ramsay.

I'm sure all of you know that I used to be a huge fan of Gordon Ramsay's. Did you realize that I said "used to"? Well, I'm no longer a big fan of his...coz I've got a new role model now...and I call him Ross the Boss. But I will never ever forget that sometime around a year ago, I saw this food show on TV, becoz my housemate so happened to be watching it...it was called "Kitchen Nightmares" featuring Gordon Ramsay. After watching that episode on TV, I immediately you-tubed every other episodes of it and I was HOOKED. I was sooo amazed that food can be so exciting. I was sooo surprised that cooking can be soooo interestiing.

As the days go by, I kept youtube-ing Gordon Ramsay's other shows such as Hell's Kitchen and The F Word. First, I was obsessed with the guy....but after than I began obsessing with the food and cooking. I even experimented some of his recipes at home and I began to develop this passion for food and cooking.

That was when I decided that I wanna be a chef...and that there's nothing in the world that could stop me from achieving this new found passion of mine.

It's funny how a seed is planted in people...and how fast it grows into a tree. Ladies and gentlemen.....I, VERON HAS GROWN INTO A TREE!! Haha...Yes I'm a big fat tree!! I have only 5 more weeks to go, and I'll be officially finished with my culinary course. And GUESS WHAT ppl!!!

I am going to be the HEAD CHEF of my college's restaurant next Wednesday and I'm soooo freakin' excited.

You must be wondering why I was picked to be the Head Chef next week? Especially since I'm one of the weak links in my class. Well...the answer is, I didn't get picked. I volunteered. LOL. Well I did and I'm glad I did. I paid almost $10,000 for this course and I'm gonna make sure I get the most out of it. And if I'm given an opportunity to be the head chef...I have to take it. I'll be an idiot if I don't. Am I right??

I'm really excited and nervous at the same time about this....coz I haven't really been a leader since I was in high school. That's 5 years without any leadership practice. I wonder if I still got it. Deep inside, I know that I'm capable...but I do have my doubts. I guess this is gonna be a real test for my leadership and organization skills....and if I ace this, I know I'm gonna be alright in the future. And if I don't, then I'll know what I gotta work on in order to be better. It's a win/win.

Anyway, I think I'm gonna stop here. Have a nice time, ppl. Cheers.

Restaurant Duty

I know it's been a while, guys! I'm really sorry for the lack of posts...I've just been busy lately and a lot has happened and is still happening in my recent culinary life. Most of you would have known that I've started my Superior course 3 weeks ago...and I've got restaurant duty every Wednesday of the week. If you don't already know, I've actually been cooking for real customers since 2 weeks ago...and it is also my very first time cooking for paying customers. It's definitely a major milestone for me...even though I'm only cooking in a training restaurant.

Last week, I was allocated to the main course section, along with Sally and Roberto. Main course is one of the busiest and most important section in the kitchen. The menu of our restaurant for that week was...


Pretty exciting menu, right? We actually had to make everything from scratch...except for the breads, coz the yeast needs to rest overnight in order to work properly. So we made the ravioli, soup, sauces, desserts and every other thing from scratch. It's nothing new really...I mean...even in normal practical classes, we still had to make everything from scratch.

So anyway...I was in charge of the fish. I had to fillet the fish, cook it, plate it and serve it. It was pretty awesome. I wish I had a picture to show you guys...but I didn't manage to take a picture of the dish coz I was too busy serving it. The first week of restaurant was kinda messy...coz it was the first time that we're actually working in a team environment..and some of us never had any experience working in a real life restaurant kitchen setting...so service was a little chaotic. However, we managed to get by without Chef Marcus yelling at us like Gordon Ramsay on Hell's Kitchen...so I guess it was still alright. And that was last week's restaurant experience.

Yesterday, we had restaurant duty again...and the menu was the same as last week's. However, our roles have been swapped around. This time, I was put in the dessert section. Oh freakin' hell...I HATE DESSERTS!! I hate makin' em, I hate eating em, and I sure as hell don't enjoy working on em. I'd rather de-bone 100 fat chickens rather than making desserts. But what the hell right?? Every chef has to know a li'l somethin' bout desserts...so I took up the challenge. Because Chef Marcus lets us know our roster in advance, therefore I had time to do some research on the menu. For some reason, I took up this task without much complaints...I just dealt with it...and I even contributed a couple of wacky ideas in regards to the presentation of the dish. I even spent a fair amount of time on the night before googling on the desserts we had to make and see if there's anything that I can use for garnish and decorations.

On that very morning, I entered class with a confident mind full of creative ideas on the dessert dishes. I was really proud of myself...coz I managed to come up with ideas on something that I don't really enjoy doing. I came up with the idea of "Chocolate dipped strawberries" for garnish...and I'm glad Chef liked the idea. As much as I hated doing desserts, for some reason, I still managed to enjoy myself. LOL...I guess it's becoz making desserts is so relaxing and I kinda find it therapeutic. It's like the only time where I don't need to take my knives out of my toolbox and start chopping vegetables like crazy. All I had to do was just playing around and mixing flour, eggs, sugar, milk, cream, chocolates, etc. To be honest, it's kinda fun. LOL...SsssHhhhh....Don't tell anyone!!

I was in charge of making the chocolate ice cream for the profiteroles....and it was really awesome! I love making ice-creams...and I definitely love eating them. I guess ice-cream is the only exception to my hatred for sweets and desserts. The ice-cream that I made had the "gelato" texture...and I was really proud of it. I don't care what others say...but I made the best chocolate ice-cream ever!! Lol...I'm starting to sound like a chef taking pride for the dishes I made. Anyway...I have some pictures of the desserts that we made.

This is called Profiteroles...I took this picture from Google images. I forgot to take a picture of the profiteroles that I made. But this is how it looks like anyway.

But this one is the real picture of the Chiboust. That was how we presented our Chiboust...and the musical notes decorations was NOT my idea! I REPEAT...it is NOT my idea! It's my chef's idea and I thought it was really lame...and I didn't really appreciate it! Sorry, chef marcus!

Anyway..we had a really quiet service yesterday...coz we only had 15 customers. And only 8 of em ordered desserts. It was quite boring...and I slacked around a lot. But next week...I'll be doing the "Entrees" and we have a whole new menu. This time, the menu is more of a challenge to produce...and I think we're gonna struggle a lot next week. You might think I'm crazy, but this is how I like it. I like challenges...I like struggles...and I like stress. Why?? Because if I manage to overcome the challenge, struggle or stress...I would feel the satisfaction that beats the hell out of any types of gratification. I guess this is just how I get my rush...some ppl resort to drugs...alcohol...sex...etc. But for me...it's the overcoming of a challenge that gives me the rush...that keeps my adrenaline pumping!! Thus, I'm definitely gonna enjoy next week's restaurant duty coz it's gonna be TOUGHER than a piece of well done meat.

BTW...the restaurant is called "Ambassador Restaurant" and it's located in TAFE Ryde. It's a training restaurant...so all the cooks in the kitchen are students...but there's always a qualified Chef/teacher overseeing the kitchen operations. If anyone who is in Sydney that is interested in visiting the restaurant...just google "Ambassador Restaurant" and you will find the contact details from the search results. REMEMBER...I'm only cooking in the kitchen every WEDNESDAY lunch. The other days are done by other classes....which is obviously not as great as my class! LOL....Whoever's from SC4 and SC5 is gonna kill me if they read this.

Here are some of the other pictures of dishes that I made in class. Enjoy looking at it....don't drool over your keyboard...hehe. CHEERS!

Superior Cuisine

I touched down at Sydney airport on Sunday morning and damn...it was freakin' cold. I was wearing shorts and a t-shirt and I was almost freezing to death. To make things worse, there was an extremely long queue at the taxi stands and I waited for about 15-20 mins for a taxi. I was glad to be back...coz the next day would be the start of my Superior Cuisine course...and I was damn excited about it. I was so excited that I had a hard time falling asleep. However, the downside about this semester is that I have to get up before 6am so that I'll be on time for class which starts at 7:30am. Nevertheless, I was very motivated...even if it was a freezing morning, I would still make it a point to get up on time and go to college.

For this term, I had pretty good chefs. Way better than last term's. The only disappointment was that Chef Ross wasn't one of our chefs...he teaches only the Thursday-Saturday batch....which was kind of a blow for my batch. However, I am extremely contented with my chefs this term...they are all great teachers and very professional, especially Chef Tristan, who is my practical chef...he's pretty awesome. I gotta say...he's quite a serious chef...I mean he does joke with us once in a while...but he's pretty stern most of the time...in a reasonable way of course. He loves being extremely organized that he prepares some of the ingredients in little tubs for each one of us, so that we don't have to go get it ourselves which can be very inefficient at most times. In general, I like Chef Tristan....I believe that I'm gonna learn a lot from him this term.

Did I mention that I will be cooking in a real-life commercial kitchen for the college's training restaurant, whereby each student is in charge of a certain section?? I'm actually very excited about this element of the course...coz this is the opportunity where I can push myself to the limit and see what I can come up with. My restaurant chef is Chef Marcus....the chef whom I was never really a big fan of...just becoz I heard negative comments bout him from other students who had him as a chef previously. But surprisingly, he's actually quite a good teacher. He's very thorough and organized....and I learned a lot from him today when he ran my practical class. I guess you can never trust other ppl's comments completely...coz sometimes it's just up to you to judge for yourself. And for me, Chef Marcus is a great chef...however, not as AWESOME as Chef Ross!! Lol...Ross is still the Boss for me!!

So Chef Marcus has divided all of us into our respective sections according to our strengths. Not that he knows what our strengths are, especially since he only taught our class today...but he has put me in the most difficult section...the MAIN COURSE section, together with Roberto the Brazilian surfer dude and Sally aka Sonic, coz she's just so fast. However, I'm kinda glad that Chef put me in this section becoz I believe that the main course is kinda like my strength, as compared to entrees and desserts. I would totally suck in the dessert section...lol...I'm just really terrible with desserts.

Roberto and Sally is like two of the best students in my class...and I'm only average. I guess what I'm afraid of is that I can't keep up with the both of them...and they end up doing most of the work and I'm just gonna be standing there, folding my arms, doing nothing. You could say that I'm a little intimidated by them...but then again, it also motivates me to keep up with their standards and at the end of the day, I get to improve myself even more. So it's a bit of a mixed feelings teaming up with them....but I think I'm gonna try to make the best out of it, even if it requires me to work under them. Coz I believe that Roberto and Sally would be the ones taking turns to take charge...and I'll be the underdog that just follow their commands. I'm not saying that I wanna take charge or anything like that...but I do wanna be heard and I want my suggestions to count. I just hope that they wouldn't leave me out in the decision process...coz it would really annoy me if they did. I hate being treated like I'm invisible.

Anyway, I'm gonna do as much research as I can on the two main course dishes that we'll be serving...so that I would be on top of my game and there won't be room for mistakes....and I won't give anyone a chance to spot my errors...coz there won't be any!!

Enough about college!! Just now, me, Zalfa, Angeline and Gerald went to this place called the The Belgian Beer Cafe at Balmain for dinner and WHOA....we had an entree tasting plate, 4 pots of mussels for our mains and Belgian waffles for dessert. That was a lot of food...but we managed to gobble em up. I had a really great time and I enjoyed our conversations very much. Sometimes I get really amazed at myself becoz even though there was a generation gap between myself and the 3 of them, I somehow still managed to hang out with them. It's really weird....I don't understand how I do it...but I actually enjoy hanging out with older people than with people of my age. I find that there's more stuff to talk about with them....I've always thought that I was born in the wrong era...I guess I was right after all!! I think I would've enjoyed life even more if I was born in the 60s or 70s! That way, I get to witness live 80s rock and roll music....wear funky bell bottom jeans....and perm my hair real puffy!! Lol...that would be so fuckin' awesome!!!

So this week has kinda ended for me...especially that I'm still out of a job...my Thursdays-Sundays usually consist of 24 hours of TV and movies. I know I need to get a life...sigh. OH BTW...I just received my tax bonus of $900 bucks!! WOOOHOOO....I'm so happy coz I've been really tight with cash these days....but now that I have the $900 bucks, I can use it to get things that I've always wanted to get but just too broke to purchase it. There are actually a few items in my mind atm.

Nintendo Wii???

Camcorder??

Guitar pedal??

A good quality Japanese chef knife??

A vacation to Melbourne??

Gosh...I really have so many things that I intend to buy. I guess there's always gonna be opportunity costs that I need to for-go...that's just the basics of economics!! Sigh...how I wish life doesn't work this way. Anyway...I think I'm kinda leaning towards the camcorder or the trip to melbourne! Whaddaya think??? Give me some suggestions!!!!!!

Any-hoo...I gotta go now! I'll catcha guys later! Cheers!

-VeRoN-

To Trust Or Not To Trust?

How do you establish whether to trust a person or not? Do you trust him/her just because he/she is your friend? Family member? Husband/Wife? Girlfriend/Boyfriend? Colleague? Your teacher? Your priest? Some stranger on the street??

Well, the answer to this question is....You can never establish TRUST. Trust is such an ambiguous matter that nobody in the world could predict, even if you can read their minds from 100 miles out. Why? Because humans are built to change according to situations, environments and influences. Humans can change their minds, decisions and point of views within seconds...which is why trust can never be established 100% by anyone. Maybe except Jesus...he knew that Judas was gonna betray him....and he knew that Peter was gonna deny him 3 times...lol..I'll give Jesus credit for that!! But my point still stands!

Don't get me wrong...I'm not saying that you shouldn't trust anyone...but what I'm saying is that trust is a leap of faith. For example, a mother who can't swim promises her son that she's definitely gonna save him if he falls into the sea. If her son says that "I trust you with my life", then I would say that he's definitely lying...if not knowingly, then subconciously. Which is why I say trust is a leap of faith. A leap of faith produced by the bond between the mother and the son that establishes the so-called "TRUST". Say AMEN if you agree with me! Hehe..

Anyway, enough with the philosophy. The point of writing about this topic is because I start to realize that there are non-trustworthy people around me whom I am not aware of. Everyones lies...that's the fundamentals of life, which is why trust cannot be established in any ways. The fact of life is, parents lie to you, friends betray you, your partner cheats on you, your colleague stabs you in the back, your teacher molests you, your priest distorts the truth and preach to you, and strangers try to con you.

TO TRUST OR NOT TO TRUST? That is the question!

I was quite disappointed with a person over the past few days. I'm not going to go into details...but all I can say is that this person lied to me and he/she did a really terrible thing for which he/she didn't feel guilty about. I've known this person since forever and I cannot believe that he/she did this. The worst thing is that instead of apologizing sincerely, he/she tried to give all sorts of excuses for which I thought was bullshit, just to regain his/her trust from me and my anonymous associates.

And what's with this person with double identities anyways?? He/she says it's for business purposes, but if he/she can't even use his/her real name for business purposes, how can the other party trust him/her? It's like the fundamental aspect of the business is already a scam. How do you expect us to trust ppl like these? So from now on, I won't trust this person ever again. I'm not saying that I won't hang out with him/her again, but I definitely will never confide in her ever again. This friendship is done. I'm not being a drama queen...I just don't need ppl like these in my life terrorizing my mind. I've got a lot on my plate already...I don't need psychotic friends who try to seek attention by terrorizing other ppl's lives.

Anyway...I probably won't be seeing him/her for a really long time after I'm back in Sydney. So I'm not really stressing much about this matter. OMG...I miss Sydney so much. I miss the weather...the food...the people...my room...and my friends there. Gosh...I even miss school!! I can't wait to be back in action again. Although the past week of holiday had been quite interesting, hanging out with my family and friends...I kinda missed all the fun and action in the kitchen.

There's only a couple more days left of my holidays...so I'll try to enjoy as much as I can. Alright...gotta go now! See ya'll later. Cheers!

Jazz Night IV

I went to see a jazz night performance tonight at Cube Restaurant and it was the fourth time that they've held this gig. The owner of the restaurant happened to be a friend of my brother's, and therefore I had the opportunity to see the show as it was meant to be a private event. If you've been living in KK, you'd know that there ain't many events as such and I'm glad that I've had the opportunity to attend a jazz night while vacationing in KK.

It was my first time in the restaurant/lounge and I thought the ambience was pretty impressive. I mean if I had a restaurant/bistro, it's gonna be similar to that. I liked the idea of displaying bottle of wines against the walls as well as the dim lights and theme. But no matter how fantasic the ambience is, the more important aspect is the quality of the food and service. I did not have dinner there...so I don't know how the food is like. However, the service seemed pretty professional from the way the waiters present themselves, as well as their wine service. So aside from the food for which I cannot comment on, I quite like the style of the restaurant. And when you add jazz music into the equation, it almost looked like the imaginations I have on my dream restaurant....except that it would be in a foreign country that serves fine dining food and the jazz music will only serve as an accompaniment, instead of a performance. I would focus more on the food...and the jazz music will only serve as a stimulus to enhance customers' dining experience in my dream restaurant.

I had a chef who always say that "Food and wine is like a marriage. You can't have one without the other." I totally agree with him but for me, I also feel that food and music complement each other and if you tell me what food you're eating, I'd be able to tell you what music you could listen to that complements it. You can disagree with me, but this is just my philosophy.

Anyway, the jazz night kicked off with an all-gurl band which I thought really sucked. Lol...no offence really...but I think they need to add a li'l more personality into their performance. They were just plain boring...and it wasn't even jazzy. I know I'm a jerk for being so critical...but I can't help it, especially that they killed one of my all time favorite song "Buses and Trains" by Bachelor Girl. It was supposed to be a jazz night but they didn't even jazz up that cover...come on gurls, you could do better than that.

Then it was followed by this malay jazz band and surprisingly, they were pretty good. It's like they know what they're doing and I didn't hear any mistakes at all from any of em, especially the guitarist. It's almost like they've played the songs 100 times before they perform on stage, which is great stuff...coz it's thru practice that makes perfect. I hate those freakin' arrogant ppl who think they can get by without practice. It's just like I hate those ppl who think they can pass an exam without studying for it. Anyway...that malay band was pretty cool.

Finally, the gist of the night...Teddy's band. I have no idea what his band is called but Teddy is the main guy and he plays the alto saxaphone. There were three other guys who played the acoustic guitar, bass and percussions. I gotta say...they were pretty awesome...but tonight was definitely not their best performance. Despite that, I still enjoyed it though...they played some really good covers and originals. But I really gotta admit that jazz is really complex and I was trying to figure out the chords that the guitarist played the whole night, but I just couldn't understand how the chords work. There's so many complex major seventh and minor seventh chords involved that I couldn't catch up with the stuff they were playing. My guitar teacher told me before that the mind has to work faster than the fingers...but I really have no idea how to do that, especially if the fingers are already moving 100 miles an hour...lol. Anyway, it's been a while since I've listened to live jazz, but I gotta admit that this one was pretty impressive. Not the best one I've seen, but definitely worth watching.

Throughout the night, a lot of things went on in my mind. So many ideas popped up and I was so full of it that I felt like writing em' down. Too bad I didn't have pen and paper. Since I'm writing my blog at the moment, I might as well jot them down here in my blog. These were the stuff that went on in my mind in the restaurant:

1. I'm going to tell my guitar teacher to teach me jazz or fingerstyle as soon as I get back to Sydney. If he can't teach me that, I will find someone else who can. I'm just so fuckin' sick of the blues. Blues can be quite depressing...lol.

2. I'm going to make it a point to attend at least one live gig a month, preferably jazz, to keep up with the music business as well as getting to know more musicians for future contacts. But first things first...I gotta find a viable jazz pub in sydney, which can be quite a difficult task. Australians are just not that into jazz.

3. I'm going to complete my business plan and menu for my dream restaurant for which I've started but have not yet completed. I might also start gathering any necessary information in regards to opening and running a restaurant such as financials, venues, interior designs, menu planning, etc so that this dream of mine will always remain real to me.


Basically, that's all the shit that went thru my mind throughout the night. Some of you might think that it's really weird of me to have these things going on in my brains...but this is what keeps me going on. Dreams...music...food...these are the stuff that keeps me going on and on. Without any of these, I would've been a really depressed person that would probably attempt to kill myself. Isn't that why ppl kill themselves?? There's no reason to live no more.

Anyway...it's getting really late now. I really should go to bed. I know I haven't been putting any photos lately...lol...laziness strikes again!! But I'll try to put some up as soon as I have any interesting ones. Even pictures of my idiotic dogs would be nice. Anyway...catch you later. Cheers.

Touchdown

Hey guys, I'm back in KK....I touched down at KK airport on Saturday midnight. I gotta say, 11 hours of air travel ain't a bit of fun at all. When I bought my air ticket online, I got to choose my seat preferences and I picked the second last row because according to the seat plan, it had a void in between my seat and the one next to me. However, the two seats were actually right next to each other, just like the normal seats in front...and there was no space in between me and my neighbor. I should've known that it's just too good to be true.

To make things worse, the guy whom I sat next to was a bit chatty...and he tried to converse with me throughout the journey. I'm a bit anti-social when it comes to strangers...especially when they're middle aged French men who listen to Britney Spears. I mean...seriously?? Britney Spears???? Damn...it's really obvious that he's in a middle age crisis. Come on yeah....Britney spears???? Goshh...

Also, he kept leaning towards my side of the seat...and I got really annoyed coz he kept hogging the side arm space that separated our seats. I had to like lean over to the other side, away from him...coz there were a few times when he came pretty close and I just felt like telling him to back off. But I didn't say anything...and instead, I just kept fidgeting and raise my elbows to push him away from him. And I'm glad that he got the message.

Anyway...I was just so damn relieved when the plane touched down at KL international airport. I just couldn't wait to get off the plane. However, I still had another two and a half hour flight to catch from KL to KK. That flight was okay...coz there were only like 8 passengers in the Boeing 737 aircraft. So basically, I had like heaps of space and nobody was getting into my nerves. It was the first time that I boarded on a plane with less than 10 passengers.

When I was clearing customs in KL, the customs officer spoke to me in Malay. I totally froze and I had no idea how to reply. I mean, I totally understood her question, but I just couldn't seem to find the words to answer her in Malay. So instead, I answered in English...but she still insisted on speaking Malay to me. I just can't believe that I can't Malay as fluent as before anymore. I used to be really good in Malay...I get Aces for the subject in high school and I speak fluently without the Chinese accent...but now, I can't even complete a sentence without pausing...or adding a few english words to it. Five years in Sydney did this to me!!!

I saw my family when I came home. My brothers didn't exactly change much...except that Federick grew a few inches taller and maybe a couple wider...but he still had that small face which didn't really match his body size. Lol...it looked a bit funny. Mom was still lookin the same...maybe slightly older...but I guess nobody can run away from ageing. However, I was really surprised to see that my grandmother looked a lot older and weaker than before. I felt a little scared just by looking at her...coz it scares me that human beings grow old and when we are old, we become so weak and powerless. I just can't bear to imagine myself old, weak and powerless. I'd rather die! Really..

My dogs were pretty fine too! And OMG...Kimmy still remembers me! I love that dog soo much! She's my favorite dog among the three of them and I could feel that she remembers me, even though I was away for a year. Peanut is sooo cute too...I'm not sure if she remembers me but she sure has gained a few pounds. She couldn't even go through the fence anymore. And finally the undersized alpha-male dog, Butter, is still the same. He barks at absolutely everything and everyone. And his bark is soooo high-pitched and annoying. I really hate that dog. But I guess the feeling between us is kinda mutual...coz I could feel that he hates me too...lol!! He kept growling at me whenever he saw me. But who cares...I've got Kimmy and Peanut and they're awesome dogs!

To be honest, I still haven't encountered the culture shock yet, mainly becoz I haven't really gone out to the city yet...but I'm sure I will soon. I know I'm gonna feel really awkward and singled out...coz I really do feel like an outsider, even though I was born and brought up here. I don't have many friends in KK, except for the friends I went to high school with, and most of them are studying abroad. The ones who are in KK have jobs and so we could probably only meet up during weekends. So yeah, I guess I'm struggling for company here.

Anyway...I have to go now! I'll catch up with all of you soon! Til the next post, see ya later! Cheers!

It's been a long and bumpy ride, my fellow aspiring chefs!!

Today was my last day in college in Intermediate cuisine, and for some reason I felt a little sad. It's really weird coz I've always wanted this semester to end as quickly as possible...but when it actually ended, I felt like I'm gonna miss it. After all, I did have lots of great memories with my fellow classmates as well as my chefs.

Zalfa, Sally, Roberto, Pedro, Polyanna, Nathalie, Ted, Ray, Kay, Katie, David, Park and Jamie. These were all my classmates since Basic cuisine...and I gotta say, they've been really awesome as each of them has played their little parts in making my college days very interesting, motivating and entertaining.

Zalfa's always been good with flavors and experimenting with different recipes. She's not afraid to try new things and to learn thru trial and error. This is something I could learn from her...coz I've always been afraid to attempt anything that might lead to a failure.

Sally...there's only one speed that she knows and that's FAST!!! She's like this Road Runner woman that always seem to be the first person to serve the dishes. She moves like lightning and works like a machine. I love it when she works next to me, coz I tend to work a whole lot faster. She sorta sets the pace for me...and I try to match her pace all the time...and everytime I try, I end up serving my dishes on time. Her speed is like a disease...i caught it all the time! lol..

Roberto is just this really funny dude...he's like the class clown. Normally class clowns are never good in class work...but believe it or not, he's like one of the best in my class. He always sets a standard for the class and he might not know that I have actually attempted to meet those standards. I believe that my drastic improvements have a lot to do with competing with those standards.

Pedro...oh am I gonna miss him. Unfortunately, he ain't gonna be with us next semester. However, he's also one of the experience ones in my class. He always makes us taste his food...lol...I remember when he was next to me in class, he always asks me to taste his sauce. Unsurprisingly, it's always better than mine. Not many ppl know this, but I've actually improved my sauces by observing they way he makes his sauces.

Polyanna...the only thing I recall about her is when she accidentally burned her workflow on the stove. And that happened today...and I thought it was kinda funny...coz there are lot of things you can burn in a kitchen, but a piece of paper just doesn't seem to fit in to a typical kitchen scenario. But that poor girl had to continue cooking without the workflow for her reference.

Nathalie...omg, this girl is like the stress machine. She takes everything so seriously and stressfully in class that even by looking at her, I become stressed out too. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that it's a bad thing...in fact, I think it's a good thing to be stressed out about what you do, coz that means you really care and love what you do. If not, would you even care to stress about it?? She reminds me that cooking is something that I care about...and there's all the reason in the world to be stressed out about. Oh did I mention that she rides a bike and she's one of the reason why I'm considering to learn it!! But also mainly becoz of the "cool factor"...lol.

Ted is the only Korean guy that I feel knows what he's doing. He's really new to French food...but man, does he learn fast. His learning curve is always going on an upward direction, unlike some of us. He improves little by little as the course goes by. Some of us becomes stagnant at some point of time, but he's really consistent. BTW, he looks like that Korean singer called RAIN. Lol..and he likes it whenever I tell him that.

Ray Lee...he's this macho looking Korean dude with an extremely fair skin and built body. I love the way he speaks coz he always has that UMMPHHH in his voice. He's also very gentleman as he always helps me to carry some of the heavy items. Not like I couldn't handle it...but u know, I let the man do a man's job!

Kay...gosh, wat kinda name is that?? I always tease him bout his name. He's only joined my class this semester so I don't know much about him, except that he demands me to call him "OPPA", which is like a polite and respectful way of calling someone older than I am in the Korean culture. And I never did call him that...and I told him that it was becoz I don't respect him. Well...I really don't!!

Katie...she's pretty quiet in class...but I remember one time when she saw a huge cockroach on the hallway, she was so shocked and was like shrieking in a high-pitched voice. Lol...that was really funny, coz the cockroach wasn't even that big, but she kept insisting that it was really big. Seriously, I don't know why I remember these things!

David...he's of African-Asian descent and he was born in Singapore. He's got dark skin and he understands Chinese. That is just freakin' awesome! Anyway...I always see him as an artist, coz I saw him one time during demo, drawing a really nice picture on piece of paper. From then on, I tried observing his dish presentation in class and it's always very abstract and creative. However, not all the time that the chefs approve of his presentation, but for some reason, I've always liked it.

As for Jamie, he's also a very quiet and low profiled guy in class. He's really good in his presentation....his dish always look very pretty and creative. He's also very gentleman as he tends to help me unload heavy items...once again...not like I couldn't handle it. Hehe..

Finally...Park...believe it or not, I've never actually had a proper conversation with him. He's such a quiet guy...and a bit mysterious too. Anyway, he's kinda like the weakest link in our class....but he has improved so damn much. Chefs like to pick on him...sometimes I pity the guy.

As for me, I'm just VeRoN most of the time. I like to mind my own business and keep a low profile. I don't like to get involved in things that I don't give a shit about. However, I have a very bad habit of always being in the third person's point of view. I like to see things on a clear angle by distancing myself with people and issues...and just try to keep everything real. I'm very much an observer....and I learn best thru observation, which is why I always tend to analyze ppl's behaviors and try to use it to my advantage.

If you've read til this far, I hope I didn't bore you yet. I'm just dedicating this blog post to all of my classmates who've been with me from the beginning until now. Not many of them know that each and every single one em' has contributed to my improvement in their own li'l strange ways.

However, it's the chefs who I really need to thank....Chef Ross, Chef Anita, Chef Andreas and Chef Mark. It's such a shame that I've always been a person who doesn't make a habit of thanking other ppl for the things they've done for me. I know I really should thank my chefs in person...but I wasn't brought up in a free expression environment, which kinda makes me a mute when it comes to expressing myself....I guess that's why I write blogs. I really wanted to approach Chef Ross today and thank him in person bout all the stuff that I've learned from him. I wanted to tell him that he's such a role model...and it'd be awesome if we could have him as our restaurant chef next semester. But of course...me being me...I just ran thru those words in my mind, but it never came outta my mouth.

I also wanted to thank Chef Anita for being our practical chef from the beginning. She was kinda like our "mother" chef coz she's been with us since Basic. She's taught us from cutting juliennes and brunoise of vegetables up to serving a full three-course meal. I mean...that really is something, innit? I know I haven't exactly been a big fan of hers, especially during the time when she picked on me, but after all, she played a major role in my culinary education and I putting all other things aside, I really am grateful for her.

It really has been a long and bumpy ride...I've just fulfilled the final check point and the next thing ahead of me is the finishing point. I could already see the finishing line, but in between me and the finishing line is a whole lot of hurdles that I gotta jump through before getting there. Honestly, I cannot wait to get there...I just can't!!!

So..I'll be back in KK in a couple of day's time. I'm having mixed feelings about this homecoming. I know from the beginning that it's not the wisest decision to go back home in between Intermediate and Superior..coz I don't wanna get distracted...but i guess it's something that I have to do. Coz after this trip back home, there's a big possibility that I won't be going back for a very long time.

Anyway...I should really stop now. Cheers buddies!

Passed with Flying Rainbow Colors

Finally, exams are over and I just cannot express how relieved I am. I did pretty well this time in both theory and practical. I've definitely made improvements since Basic's exam last term, although I wouldn't be able to know until a month's time, however I'm pretty confident that I would get at least a Credit this time, instead of the miserable Pass that I had last term. If I don't, I'm probably gonna shoot myself in the head. Really!

According to Chef Vito, he really liked my main and dessert...but to be honest, I didn't think it was that awesome. Lol...I thought it was just "okay", coz there was nothing special about my dishes. The presentation was simple. So maybe the flavor was good...but then again, I have a hard time trusting people's opinions...especially good comments. Sometimes, I'm just so unconfident that I don't believe in my capabilities. It's just like guitar. My guitar teacher always compliments me for my skills (though he hasn't been lately..haha), but I never once took his word for it. I always have second doubts about it. I have a couple of theories....it's either I'm really unconfident of myself, or I have way too much expectations of myself that I keep pushing away all the good stuff about myself and keep embracing on the bad stuff. I don't know if it's good or bad....but one thing for sure, in order to be the best of the best, you cannot stop progressing just becoz someone praised or criticized you. You gotta set your own standards and try to exceed them. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that you should ignore feedback...I just mean that what other people say about you is not the most important...it's what you think of yourself.

Okay, I'll stop with the philosophy now. Pardon me but I have a bad habit of ending each paragraph with my philosophy...haha. Anyway, something serious occurred yesterday on Anzac Bridge. It wasn't published on the newspapers today, therefore I believe it's something really major and the government is probably refraining the details of the incident. While I was driving to college yesterday, there was a really bad traffic jam along the bridge to the north. I thought it might be an accident or something...but I never thought that it's something I've dreamt of witnessing (I know I'm weird). I believe there was a "threat" of some kind. I wouldn't be able to confirm the details of this incident, but based on all the spy movies that I've watched, that incident was definitely federal related.

There was team of SWAT officers that consists of 6-7 of them, at least 4-5 police rescue trucks and 5-6 police cars. I actually saw the SWAT officers in their full gear...armour, guns, etc. It was definitely something big. I was really curious about the incident that I tried googling about it, but there were no results shown. So I believe that the government hasn't issued a press regarding that incident yet. Despite the excitement of witnessing this incident, I was kinda pissed off too coz I was stuck in traffic for half an hour and I was 20 minutes late to class. And it was Chef Ross' class...my favorite chef!!

I practically ran to class after I parked my car. And you know what happened after I entered class?? Just out of the blue, everybody started clapping their hands and cheering. I was like, "What the fuck?" I was so freakin' confused...I thought I was gonna be awarded the best student in class or something like that....HAHAHA. I looked at chef with my confused face...and he just looked at me and laughed. I mean...if he was laughing at me, then there must be something fishy goin' on. So in the end, I found out that most of the students came late as well and Chef was saying to the class that whoever comes in late, we should clap and cheer at them just to make them feel embarassed. Lol....that is so contrary to the feeling I had...I actually felt good when they cheered at me...haha. It was as if I just performed a really good gig and my audience were giving me a standing ovation and asking for an encore.

At the end of the class, I stayed back to help Chef Ross clean up the kitchen. Zalfa stayed back too and she was chatting away with Chef. Me and Zalfa have always wanted to ask Chef about the music he listens to...coz according to Zalfa, I like to pigeon hole people according to their taste in music. I disagreed with her at first...but now that I think about it...it's kinda true. One of the very first questions that I ask ppl that I've just met is their music preference. Because Chef Ross is such an interesting character, I was curious as to what music he listens to, but never had the guts to ask him. So this is where Zalfa comes into the picture...

Zalfa was like, "Chef, can we ask you something that has absolutely nothing to do with cooking?"

Chef was like, "Erm...okay." He sounded so reluctant..

Zalfa then said, "What music do you listen to? Coz me and veron made a bet about this and we really wanna know. Also, Veron is like a music expert and she plays guitar...and she pigeon holes people according to their music tastes."

OMG...I was like...Damn it Zalf...I don't pigeon hole ppl according to their music tastes. And chef was looking at me...a bit surprised...and he was like, "Really, veron?" I felt a little embarassed at the moment, so I took some pots to the wash up area which is segregated by a door. Zalfa and Chef continued their conversation...and I had no idea what they talked about until Zalfa told me about it after we left the demo kitchen. Basically, the conversation went like this:-

Chef: To be honest, I'm not really big on music.

Zalfa: Oh no...Ssshhh...you can't let Veron know about this coz she'll be very disappointed.

(When Zalfa told me about this, I was basically laughing my ass off.)

Chef: Ohh...oops...but I like the guitar though. He was actually trying to play along and try to make me feel less disappointed.

So when I came out of the wash up area, I asked Chef what his favorite band was...and the funny thing was, he couldn't even name one. He was like stammering and I could feel that he was trying so hard to come up with a band name. Lol. Coz I was kinda looking at him with hopeful eyes and you could see that he didn't wanna disappoint me. HAHAHA...it's really hilarious.

In the end, he told us that he listens to 80s rock....and I was really glad that he said that. Coz I'd like to know that there are some similarities between us....coz when I look up to someone, I wanna know that there's something that the both of us share. It's like Kiefer Sutherland....I totally idolize him and I'm constantly trying to find similarities between us.

So I was like naming bands from the 80s....like AC/DC, Guns and Roses, Mr Big, Bon Jovi, etc....and I was trying to seek approval from him. He just kept saying..."yeah I like them....they're great...etc." But somehow, I felt that he was just trying to agree with me...just to make me happy. Lol. So now I know that he's not a very music-oriented person....but hey, he's still a hell of CHEF and he is still awesome to me!! I just hope that in the future, I'd be able to work for someone as passionate and skillful as him. *fingers crossed*

So...one more week to go and I'm done with Intermediate. I just can't believe how time flies. In a few weeks time, I would be in Superior...and things will start getting more real and in your face. To be honest, I'm really nervous about Superior...coz we have restaurant duties and we have to cook for real customers. It would be my first time ever cooking for real customers...and I'm kinda looking forward to it, but nervous at the same time. I'm sure it would be a great experience for me...and I can't wait for the start of next term. I'm just so motivated at the moment that I wish we're not gonna have the two weeks of break and just start on the Superior course right away. I'm really lovin' it...

Anyway, I gotta go now. I'll catch you guys later. Have fun! Cheers!

Juggling between two passions

Hello my fellow subscribers! Once again, I've come to haunt your blog reading days. I know I haven't been updating my blog as regularly as I would've wanted to, but hey at least I write long and winding posts to make up for my lack of update. Anyway, I really shouldn't be writing too much on this one, coz I really should be spending this time to practise for my guitar lesson tomorrow....which kinda leads me to this thought. I've kinda been slacking a lot with my guitar playing these days...and I feel like I've hit a wall in my guitar skills.

As some of you may know, I take guitar lessons every Friday from this awesome guitar teacher called Harry. So I usually practise on Thursday and Friday mornings before I go for the lesson and some occasional Saturdays when I have absolutely no plans for the day. I don't normally practise on Mondays-Wednesdays because I've got school on those days...and it's always very hectic throughout those three days.

So my problem is, I've been really lazy over the past few weeks that I keep procrastinating when it comes to guitar practice. I keep postponing it and do other stuff (like writing this post). I feel like I'm somehow losing my edge...and I'm just so de-motivated to practise. I was never like that before....I usually get really psyched before my lessons...and I always practise for hours to eliminate any errors in my playing. But gosh...it just wasn't like that for the past few weeks, and I feel like I'm throwing my money away.

I've been asking myself why...and I've come up with a few reasons. One, I've just been really lazy to the point where I just sit down in front of my computer everyday and watch whatever shit I can find in my archives of movies and tv shows.Two, I'm not learning the stuff that I want, such as fingerstyle and jazz. I'm actually learning a whole lot of Blues atm...not that I don't like it...but I'm starting to get really sick of it. Three, my guitar playing days are going no where. What I basically mean is that, there's no direction in my guitar learning...I just take lessons for the sake of it and it's not like I'm taking lessons to play in a band or something like that. And finally, I'm starting to realize that my career path is pointing to the direction the kitchen instead of the music biz, and therefore I'm starting to focus all my thoughts and energy into becoming a chef and not a musician.

I guess I'm just really de-motivated at the moment....I'm just one of those people who is infected with "middle child syndrome"where self-motivation just isn't one of my traits. So I'm a person who constantly needs people around me to motivate and push me to my limits. And lately I really need a big push coz I've just been stagnant with everything going on in my life....except for my savings account which is kinda going on a downwards slope as time goes by. So I guess I could really use some positive words of encouragement from people time to time. It's weird...coz most people would think that I'm a gurl who doesn't care what people say about me....but you'd be surprised to know that I really do care what ppl say about me....but only the good stuff though. As for the bad stuff, I'd probably ask them to "FCUK OFF"!!

Remember in my previous posts where I wrote about becoming both a chef and a musician?? Well...I'm starting to think that it's impossible...and I really gotta pick one and focus on it as soon as possible. Now, I've started to develop a habit of writing down the pros and cons of two situations that gives me a dilemma. So here it goes...

Pros of becoming a chef
1. Lots of job opportunities.
2. I'm passionate about food and cooking and it's definitely something that I love doing.
3. Career path is more stable and certain.
4. Traveling opportunities.
5. Contributes to my dream of opening up a restaurant in the future.
6. High level of work satisfaction.

Cons of becoming a chef
1. Extremely competitive environment.
2. Very stressful and busy job environment.
3. Male-dominant industry.
4. My social life would definitely go down the drain...especially with the long hours of work and working on weekends and holidays.
5. It takes at least 8 years to climb to the top of the chain.
6. Lousy salary and did I mention long hours of work??

Pros of becoming a musician
1. I am passionate, skillful, confident and talented in this field, as compared to cooking.
2. Music is a relaxing and therapeutic activity for me.
3. I could get rich and famous overnight (ha-ha).
4. The lack of famous female guitarists (especially fingerstyle guitarists) gives me an opportunity to shine amongst the needles in a haystack.
5. High levels of job satisfaction.
6. More consistent working hours and more fun times!

Cons of becoming a musician
1. Career path is extremely volatile and uncertain.
2. Highly dependable on contacts within the music biz, which can be difficult to form.
3. Job opportunities are minimal.
4. Salary could be millions of dollars if you're famous....or it could be zilch, when you don't get gigs. So it's extremely unpredictable.


It all becomes very clear to me when I lay it out like that, y'know. It allows me to scrutinize each point and set my priorities. However, this is just a guideline for me...it doesn't mean that I'm gonna make my decision solely based on this pros and cons list. Also, I don't believe I have the ability to predict my future...I can only influence a big part of it based on the decisions that I make....sometimes, good things swing by (like winning a lottery ticket) and sometimes bad stuff get in the way (like this economic recession). So what I'm trying to say is...I'm trying to go with the flow...and at this moment, it seems like the flow is pointing towards the kitchen, instead of the glamorous stage.

Anyway...I really should get going and practise my guitar (even though I don't really feel like it). I'll catch up with you guys later. Cheers.

P/S: DAmn it...I gotta practise this song called "It hurts me too" by John Mayall and I don't even like that freakin' song. ARGGHHHHH.....

ROBERTO, STOP READING MY BLOG!!!!

You wanna know what happened today?? Today, I officially lost my privacy to write freely on my blog. There's this guy in my class called Roberto (I know you're reading this, Bob), he discovered the existence of my blog when he googled "Smoked Salmon Fant***a". Sorry I don't wanna disclose the entire name of the dish because I don't want anyone in my school to google it and stumble upon my blog. If you remember, there's a picture of the dish in my previous post....and I can't believe that it got me busted. As most of you would know, this blog is kept within a loop of a few close friends only. So now...I can't mention any names from my college no more...I'm gonna have to use code names from now on...lol.

It's funny how it happened. Roberto just came to me during demo today and said, "Veron, I've got a confession to make." LOL....first thing that came into my mind was....Oh no, does he like me or something? (Yes Roberto...I really had that in mind). Basically, I got caught off guard and I was totally freaking out, coz I remembered writing lots of things about college and I did mention lots of names. I was really worried that I incriminated anyone with bad comments or something....and most importantly, I remember writing something about him...but I forgot if it was good or bad. (Note to Roberto: It was actually a very flattering comment...but I decided to delete it....i don't wanna give you the satisfaction..MuAhahahahha)

When I came home from college tonight, I quickly switched on my computer and accessed my blog archives and screened thru all the posts that I've written and made sure that I didn't write anything incriminating anybody in college in a bad way. As I read posts to posts....I reminisced the incidents that occurred in the past 6 months...and I realized that I've grown so much. I'm not talking bout growing physically...oh hell I wish that happened....but what I meant was mentally. I realized that I see things very differently now...and I even stopped swearing. I mean I minimized it...trust me...no chef could survive without swearing. Most importantly, I realized that I had less bad days since I quit my job...and I actually became more relaxed and calm. I guess the Stamford job really had a big impact on my emotions and mental state. At first, I had some doubts as to whether I've made a mistake by quitting that job during an economic recession, especially since unemployment is getting worse....but after reading my previous posts, I realized that it was the right choice, and I had to get outta that depressing shithole to move on with my life.

Reading my blog archives was like reading my diary. It makes you reminisce and laugh about what you did. I totally laughed my ass off when I read about the bad practical lessons I had in the Basic course...and I can't believe that I thought Chef Anita picked on me becoz she hated me. Lol...she ain't that bad....she's actually pretty cool. Another one that made me laugh was the attitude that I brought into the kitchen when I was in Basic course. I can't believe I was such a nervous wreck before...I mean I was literally stressed out about things like being the last to serve in class, being one of the least experienced student in class, and not being able to sort of "shine" in class as much as I would've liked to.

LOL...it's really funny coz now that I'm in Intermediate...I don't even care about all these things no more. I don't care if I'm the last, as long as my food is awesome. I don't care if I'm the least experienced in class, as long as I show extra passion. And finally I don't even care if I don't "shine" as much as I'd like to as long as I've put all my effort and tried my best. And you know what??? This attitude works sooooo much better. I mean really....this semester, I'm no longer the last one to finish and my food is so much more awesome than before. Even my pastry skills have improved...lol. Remember the puff pastry incident last year?? The one where I failed twice in one day?? That was a train wreck.

Another thing I realized was how many times I mentioned in my blog that quitting Uni and entering culinary school was the best decision I've made in my life. I think I might've mentioned it 3 or more times. And guess what?? That comment still stands six months later....I've never regretted it ever...not even for a second. I knew that quitting Uni would mean that I could never graduate in a gown and wear the square hat, where my family would come over to Sydney and see me graduate and take graduation pictures of me (not that I actually long for it anyway...but thats not the point). And also I might be jeopardizing my future by not attaining a university degree....however, I've decided that being a chef is way more gratifying for me, and that I believe that I would be way happier taking this career path. I know I could never get filthy rich by being a chef...but to be honest, that's not my major goal in life. I gotta admit that I still haven't figured out life comprehensively, but one thing for sure, I don't see myself in a business attire, sitting down in an office in front of a computer typing stuff and making phone calls in the future. HELL NO!!! I'd rather be sweaty, get my hands dirty and cook in the kitchen for the rest of my life.

I also remember how I've always idolized Gordon Ramsay before I started this course. He was like my sole inspiration to become a chef. I've always thought he was awesome...and that I'd like to be like him one day. LOL...it made me laugh when I thought about it. Gordon Ramsay is not that great...I mean...my chefs can do all the things he does. Some can even do better than Ramsay. He just happens to be a lucky guy who got married to a woman whose family has money to invest in him. I can quite confidently say that Chef Steve is way more knowledgeable than him....and Chef Ross is equally as good as him in knife skills. And they don't even need to yell and swear to get us to do things the right way. I was so naive before to think that Gordon Ramsay is the best...LOL....where in fact he's just an over-rated celebrity chef who just got lucky. I guess TV has a way of leading my thoughts...I watched way too much of Gordon Ramsay shows before...lol.

So my exams are coming up in 2 weeks time. To be honest, I'm not feeling nervous at all...i guess it just hasn't hit me yet. Either that or I'm way more confident this time. I'm leaning towards more to the first one. Anyway...I've got nothing more to report. To those in KK....I hope to see ya'll soon...make sure u guys spend time with me while I'm back...if not, I'm never ever gonna come back again. LOL...yes it's an ultimatum. Spend time with me, or you'll never see me again! hehe...

Zalfa, if you're reading this...hope you've enjoyed my blog. I just remembered that I wrote a comprehensive piece about you in one of my previous posts....the one where I mentioned Ross is the boss. LOL. Anyway...nice chat with you today at McDonald's....sorry I broke your record.

Alright....tata for now!! Cheers!

Intermediate French Cuisine

The past few days had been surprisingly easy. I guess it's becoz instead of cooking individually, my chefs allowed us to cook in groups of two, which significantly reduced our workload. I discovered something about myself over the past few days. I find myself working so much better in a group rather than individually. It's really weird...coz when I was still in Uni, I had so much trouble working in groups. I never really wanted to put much effort in group assignments and most of the grades that I got from group assignments are only average. So I was kinda surprised at myself when I actually enjoyed the group effort during practical classes.

On Wednesday, I had one of the best demo lessons ever. Chef Ross was our demo teacher and he was just totally AWESOME!!! It was definitely one of the busiest demo that he had to show, coz there were like 3 recipes that needed to be made and he was all on his own. Plus, that lesson was really technical coz there were so many skills involved, such as cutting precision vegetable cuts, making pastry, cutting up and deboning the pheasant and presentation skills. All these procedures were very technical and time-consuming...but man...Chef Ross made it all look so damn easy. He's the type of chef that makes you feel proud of choosing this career path. He is such an inspiration to me...and the stuff he does just keeps motivating me all the time. Sometimes you'd even find my jaw wide open....coz I really am in awe!! I'm telling ya...he's definitely my role model and I really wish that he could teach all three demos that we have. He really is the "Chef Awesome."

However, Chef Ross got a little pissed off towards the end of the demo and it's all the Korean clique's fault. These people can be so rude and greedy sometimes, and it makes us all Asians look so bad. Okay this is what happened. When Chef Ross removed the sponge cake from the oven, he cut the cake up into small pieces. He hasn't even plated the cake yet, and these bunch of Koreans just helped themselves with the cake while Chef Ross has his back turned for a couple of seconds. When Chef turned around and saw them all grabbing the cake with their hands, he got so pissed off and yelled at them. He was like, "Hey what are you doing...it's not ready yet. Come on guys...I haven't even plated the cake yet and you guys are already trying to help yourselves. How could you guys be so rude?"

And you know what they did? They just giggled amongst themselves and didn't even apologize. OMG...it was just so rude. I couldn't help it but I kinda felt like I was implicated too....coz u know, they're Asians and I'm Asian too...I just felt so embarrassed. I mean seriously...these ppl gotta learn some manners. I could let that go...coz I thought that maybe they're just too anxious to taste that delicious sponge cake that Chef Ross had baked. Fine...I could totally let that go. But u know what happened next? After Chef Ross has plated the cake, he announced that whoever has already taken a piece of the cake just now shouldn't have another piece coz there's not enough for everyone to taste, and that we should share a piece between 2-3 ppl. But still, they totally ignored him and they went for their second serving. And u know what? I saw this Korean girl took about 3-4 slices of the cake to share amongst her 3 friends...and u're not supposed to do that, coz Chef has already said to share one piece between 2 or 3 ppl becoz there's not enough for everyone. And in the end, me and my group of friends never got to taste it becoz by the time we were in front of the queue, the cake's gone.

I'm telling ya, I don't like to stereotype people and their culture...but sometimes it's difficult not to. U know, I just talk about what I see. I mean really, Asians can be so freakin' rude, selfish and greedy. Freakin' Koreans man....for shit's sake....they bow to each other when they greet to show respect and manners....but when it's time to eat, they eat like hungry ghosts that haven't eaten in centuries. Don't u think that it's so paradoxical?? It's all so superficial man...I guess that's why I could never hang out with them.

I could totally understand if these people come from a small village where it's all still under-developed and uncivilized. But DUDE...it's freakin' Korea man....and most of them are from the big cities like Seoul and Suwon!! Where the bloody hell are their freakin' manners??? I mean I'm from a small town called Kota Kinabalu, where some idiotic ppl still think we live on trees, have better manners than these ppl who live in big developed cities like Seoul?? To make it worse...some of them are actually in their late 20s and early 30s. Unbelievable?? Well, believe it!!

I guess I'll stop bad-mouthing the Koreans now...lol. I'm sorry...I really don't mean to stereotype...but like I said...I say what I see. Anyway...here are some pictures of the food that I made last week and the past three days.


This dessert is called Tulip Basket with Lemon Cream topped with strawberries. As you can see, the base is shaped like a Tulip basket...and the inside is filled with lemon cream and fresh strawberries. The texture of the tulip basket is actually similar to those chinese fortune cookies...in fact...they might be exactly the same, which is why the biscuit base can be shaped into any shapes that you like.
This is a traditional French fish stew called "Bouillabaise". It's got 8 different varieties of fish in there, plus mussels and scampies. Very delicious dish.
This dish is called "Stuffed Squid a la Provencale." It's basically squid with stuffing and it's half braised in a nice refreshing sauce. I personally love this dish very much.
This is a puff pastry dish with marinated tuna inside it.
I thought this was kinda cute...it's just puff pastry shaped like a giant leaf with scallops inside. I didn't make this....Chef made it during demo.
This is definitely the highlight dish of the week. This is "Pheasant breasts in puff pastry with truffle sauce." This is one of my favorite dish of all time. The pheasant breasts are wrapped around in a piece of crepe and then wrapped around with puff pastry. Then it's baked in the oven until cooked. And the sauce is magnificent...or at least the one that I made. Lol..
This is actually a cold soup called "Gazpacho Andalouse." Yes it's a cold and refreshing soup. It's got capsicums, tomatoes, spanish onions, garlic, cucumbers and tomato juice blended together. It sounds disgusting...but it's actually very tasty.
Same thing...but served in a martini glass.
This dish is called "Brandade of Cod and Leek with Garlic Cream." It's basically just mash potato with flakes of cod fish mixed together. This dish was way too salty...coz whoever marinated the fish put way too much salt.