What you think is not what you will get

Most of you would've known that I've started my Basic Cuisine Certificate course at Le Cordon Bleu on Tuesday morning. Lemme just bring you back to Monday night. I had to work on Monday night and thank God it wasn't a busy night. Plus...it was a public holiday and I got double paid...Yayy!! Anyway...I got home at around 11.30pm and I had to prepare for my first day of school. You still remember that feeling that you used to get on the night before the first day of school? That was the feeling I had on Monday night. My emotions were just going haywire....I was excited, scared, happy and nervous at the same time. It was really crazy for me...coz it's been a while since I had butterflies in my stomach over something. I remember the last time I had this feeling was the night before my Talentime performance at high school...Form 3 I think it was. OMG...it was the exact same feeling. Except that I was significantly more confident in playing guitar, as compared to cooking....or chopping for this matter. Coz all we did the first day was cutting vegetables!

Nevertheless, all these mixed emotions just drove me up the wall and I just couldn't fall asleep. Occasionally, I would think about the stuff that I'm gonna learn the next day...and how I was going to answer a question that my chef would ask me. And I would think of these scenarios where I become the star in my class, just coz I could do everything right. HAHHA...I know what you're thinking...I know I'm such a day dreamer....but could you say honestly say that you've never thought about stuff like these? Just what I thought! Basically, I felt like I was invincible you know, like nothing could stop me from becoming the best of the best!! So, all these scenes just flashed in my mind. I went to bed at around 1.00am and I had to get up at 6am. But the truth is, I only got a couple of hours sleep coz I think I was still awake at 3.00am. It's been a while since I've felt this way 'bout something. I've never even felt this way on the night before my first day of Uni. Well, I guess I only feel this way towards the things I really care about. Just like Form 3's Talentime.....and now this. I'm glad I felt this way...although it was torturing....but this only gave me greater motivation to succeed in this field.

I woke up the next day as soon as the alarm clock rings. To be honest (some of u may know), I never wake up as soon as the alarm clock rings. I normally lie on bed for an extra 15 mins, and sometimes it goes up to half an hour. It's just an ol' habit that I've never wanted to get rid of. But somehow, I managed to jump out of bed, despite the lack of sleep, feeling really fresh and excited. And invincible....hehe! So, I drove to college all the way at Ryde....it's a 40 minute drive. I reached the college at around 7.00-ish and went to change. It was quite a rush honestly, coz the chef's jacket has so many buttons and it's really difficult to button up. That was a little bumpy start for me...coz I thought if I arrived at 7.00-ish, I would have adequate time to change and get ready for my demonstration class. But I guess not for the first day, coz I spent some time changing, and looking for classrooms.

Anyway, my first demonstration class. It's a little demonstration theatre, where there's a fully equipped little kitchen in front of the theatre, and seats around it. And there are cameras and LCD screens in the theatre as well to enlarge the demonstration. First thing that came to my mind...."Cooking show"! It's more or less like that. I sat at the front row, so I had a pretty good view of the demo. On the first day, we usually learn to chop veges into several forms of cuts...and that's what we did. It looked pretty simple from the demo, but when you actually do it, it's quite difficult. After the demo, we had our practical and we went to our given classes. My class had lots of Brazilians and Koreans...and French! I'm the only Malaysian, and obviously, I was kinda left out. Coz they were all in their little cliques. But I didn't care much, coz we were so swamped with work that we didn't have much time to mingle anyway.

Okay...back to my practical. We were chopping veges. And OMG...it is so difficult. I was doing it so slowly...and everybody was ahead of me! And knowing me, I'm a very competitive person. I wanna be the fastest and best at what I'm doing. Just like playing guitar, I wanna be better than everybody around me. If there's anyone better than I am, I would dislike that person and attempt to improve and be better than he or she. That's why I never liked to "youtube" random unknown ppl who are good at guitar. Coz all I'd feel is envy and bitterness. But there's always something positive that would derive from that....and that's motivation to be better! Okay...so everyone was ahead of me in chopping, and it didn't feel good at all. So basically, I had a pretty shit day. I know that you would think that it's no big deal being a little slow....but trust me...when your expectations towards yourself is so high up above the sky, even a slight disappointment will crush you....and your confidence. And that was what happened to me. And this is a very competitive industry...you absolutely gotta be the best of the best in order to be successful! And I'm not gonna be that mediocre person anymore....not anymore...not ever!! I WANNA BE THE BEST!

So the first day didn't go well, I can scrap that. So today was the second day and I strive to improve. I did improve slightly, I guess. At least now, I wasn't the slowest in class. There're others who were slower than I am....and I'm glad that the vegetable and fish stock that I made was a success. However, I failed at another thing. And this one is truly a failure! We made puff pastry today and fuck me...I failed not just once, but twice!! First time, I had way too much flour...coz apparently, I measured it wrongly. Coz I used the wrong weighing bowl, and therefore, it wasn't measured properly. Okay, fine...I chucked that away and made a second one....while everyone was already finishing with theirs. Second time, fuck me...I had way too little water. And this time is because I calculated it wrongly. I didn't know 1 cup was 250mls....and therefore half a cup is 125mls. I only filled up 1/4 cup...which is obviously insufficient. The dough was way too hard....like a damn rock. My chef was sympathetic and she gave me her dough instead. And knowing me, I'm a person who doesn't tolerate self-pity. I don't like ppl to feel sympathetic towards me...coz it makes me feel like I'm not in control. I hate that. But because we didn't have much time, I took her dough anyway and sucked it up.

After the practical ended, I felt like shit. Even worst that shit. I dunno what's worse than shit...but if I knew, that was what I was. Every story has its lesson...and I think I've learned mine. The lesson is...

"What you think is not what you will get."

And also, "The greater the expectation, the greater the disappointment!"

Oh and another one, Always have breakfast before class so that your stomach doesn't growl and make a fool of yourself!"


So that's how my past three days have gone by. Wasn't that great. I hope yours was better. There are times, for the past few days, that I would think that maybe cooking just wasn't for me. But as soon as I put that thought in my head, I discard it right away. Coz that's just crazy! I know I can do better....and I know I've got what it takes to become a successful chef. I know that this was just a bumpy start of the race, but as long as I put more effort to it, I'm sure the journey will be less turbulent. I know what I'm doing now is the best thing that could've happen to me...and I'm going to take advantage of that. I hope that next week will be a better week...and I certainly hope that I will have the support of all of you...by reading my posts!! Thanks for tuning in. Have a great one!