Born a musician, made a cook...

I'm really tired today...after a long long day of class. Today we made soup and soup and.....soup again! We made 3 types of soups today. Pumpkin soup, Crab Bisque and Cold pureed Beetroot soup. I thought the pumpkin soup was kinda unique, coz we served it in a little pumpkin, instead of a bowl. Forgot to take a picture of it...actually my camera is fucked, so I can only take pictures with my cell, which is a lousy piece of shit. My Crab Bisque was the best!! It had the right texture, color and flavor. Chef said it needed more seasoning...which is true...but coming from my family, we normally have bland food...so my palette still needs some work in identifying whether or not the food is bland or just right. I was one of the 5 ppl in my class who managed to produce a "pass" crab bisque. So I was really proud of myself. The only flaw was...I was too slow.

Chef had a small talk with me, mainly about my work flow and speed. She said the food that I cook is really good, but it's way past the service time. She's kinda worried that I'm gonna run outta time during the exams because I've been so slow since Day 1. Actually, that's kinda a big worry for me too and that's why I've been so stressed out about my exams. I'm not worried bout my theory at all, although it's a 13-page written exam. But I am worried about my practical part. I'm so scared that I'd screw up, panic, and flunk my practical.

Honestly, I have no frickin' idea why I'm so damn slow in completing the dishes. I mean, I got started pretty quickly and then it just sorta died off...I don't know how...don't know why. Actually, I still can't accept myself for being slow. Coz I'm normally quite fast in doing stuff...anything...I drive fast, eat fast, walk fast, write fast, etc. My reflex is pretty fast, that's what I realized. But the only thing is...I'm such a slow thinker. MY BRAINS...MY FUCKIN' BRAINS are so fuckin' slow that sometimes, I just feel like smashing it against the wall. And damn it...I just can't remember stuff anymore, like I used to. Am I getting fuckin' old or what?

But then again, I guess this is the difference between having talent and not having talent. People who have talent in something just picks up fast and becomes very natural at what they do. I, for one, do not have talent in cooking, whatsoever! Finally, I'm admitting this. I have no fuckin' talent in cooking. All I have is desire and passion. Sometimes I do wonder if that's enough in order to be successful. I'm just not born for this shit,...I know that. I'm no Gordon fuckin Ramsay. I'm more to Slash or Jimmy Page...or Bonnie Raitt. I was born to play music, not fuckin' cook.

I sometimes hate it when my guitar teacher compliments me bout my playing. It feels good at that moment, but when you think about it afterwards, it makes me wonder whether I've made the right decision in becoming a chef. It makes me feel like...why the fuck am I in culinary school? I should be in a fuckin' music school for shit's sake. With all the shit that I can play, and with my talent and determination, I could be a rockstar. I could be recording in a studio in Hollywood right now, with famous ppl and shit.

But then again, it could go the other way. I could become a rockstar-wannabe...who keeps on dreamin' and dreamin' 'bout being one that I just throw my whole life away. Some ppl just keep chasin' n chasing their dreams....but never capture them. Just like heroin. You just keep chasing the fuckin' dragon...but you can never catch it. Then it all becomes like an addiction. An addiction to chasing dreams that can never be captured. And I guess this is why I'm in culinary school.

I'm not saying that I'm gonna give up on music...hell no baby! I'm still hoping that one day, I could be in the music business. Or at least one day when I'm filthy rich, then I can open my own record company, scout for talent and become the producer for these talented artists. Or...I could just play gigs on weekends or special functions as a part-time thing, ya know. Something like that. Or maybe even teach...I don't know...it might happen! My point is...I just don't wanna spend all my time and money chasing and chasing for something that might turn into an addiction. Like devoting into something that might not yield any positive results.

However, I won't deny the fact that I was definitely born to be a musician! I'm definitely meant for that. I mean...I sure as hell wasn't born to draw....HAHAHA!! A fuckin' cow-dog?? Anyway...it's just a shame that I didn't have the opportunity to actually become one. If you ask me...hell yeah, I'm a li'l bitter about it...but what can I do about it, right? And then again, cooking isn't so bad after all. Maybe it'll take me twice as much hard work to be successful in it, due to the lack of talent, but it'll do. It'll happen for me. I know it will...someday. I can see myself running a kitchen in the future. I can see myself running my own restaurant someday. And I can definitely see myself happy in being a chef.

A friend said to me a few days ago...

"A person should change careers for at least 2 times in his/her life. This way, they get to know themselves better and achieve different experiences in life, and they won't have to wonder what's it gonna be like if they were somethin' else."

I reckon this statement is so true. I mean...how the fuck can you just be an accountant throughout your whole life? Or how the hell can you just be a cop forever? Or a teacher? A doctor? An engineer? Don't u sometimes wonder what's it like to be somethin' else other than what you are right now? Well, if you don't, then you're either a very contented person or you're just too afraid to think about it. I honestly think that this question definitely pops up in every adult's mind...maybe not yet, but definitely in the future.

Alright, I guess that's enough philosophy for the day. I hope all these don't sound too gibberish to you...coz if you understand what I mean, there's some truth to what I've been saying. Okay...I'll see u again in the next post.